Hymns of a Lost Soul
by SilentQuill23
Summary: The final battle is waged & much is lost. Kagome is stuck in the past & must start a new life with the man she's always dreamed of being with. But nothing is ever as we imagine it & an unlikely offer is presented to her by one who knows her suffering. KxS
1. Prologue

A/N: There will be songs, or 'hymns', that accompany each chapter. Some chapters will have song lyrics in them, some will not. I believe all our lives have soundtracks, so why not demonstrate it? I very much love music and it is my constant companion. Being able to write and incorporate my deep love of music is exciting for me. Please enjoy!

**Song**: Shadow By: Red

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~  
>Prologue<p>

"Get down!" The line of trees behind me exploded, sending numberless splinters screaming through the air like so many shards of shattered glass. The explosion seemed to grow even louder the bodies of my comrades fell around me; their bodies macabre, bloodied pincushions. A sharp pain tore through my shoulder as I reached behind me for an arrow. Without a second thought, I pulled the projectile from my skin and winced. My adrenaline had numbed the pain, but only just.

"Miko! The barrier!" Sesshomaru called from the fray. An arrow surrounded by purifying energy left my shaking bow with what should have been deadly accuracy. But the barrier was far too strong for a lone arrow at such a great distance. Something warm and wet slapped against my neck. A fire eyed Sesshomaru stood behind me. The enemy who had used my moment of distraction to sneak behind me fell, still gushing blood. "The barrier." He ground out. Without another thought, I launched myself forward towards Naraku. I was fully intent on ending this nightmare.

I ran past the bodies of my comrades and my enemies where they littered the ground, making it soggy with their blood. Inuyasha was in hand to hand combat with about six demons. There was a nasty gash down his cheek and I could see blood pooled on his hoari. I couldn't tell if it was his or not. Kouga and Hakkaku stood fighting back to back against a grotesque two headed beast. Ginta lay dead not five feet from them. Miroku, as a last resort, had his cursed hand unwrapped and pointed towards the sky, a visibly futile attack on Kagura. My legs were screaming from the run, and my heart willing me to go help. Finally, I passed Sango. In a sick twist of fate she was battling Kohaku. Her attacks obviously only meant to defend and disarm, not kill like his were. And there was Naraku, standing in front of it all, surrounded by a purple barrier, smiling. I was sick. How could one person cause so much pain and devastation and enjoy it? He would pay. Naraku would pay for the pain of everyone he'd ever hurt every family he'd ever broken, every dream he'd ever shattered! A sudden violent rage overtook me causing me to run blindly at Naraku's barrier and bury an arrow to the hilt into Naraku's barrier. Time seemed to stop as a blinding jolt shot violently up my arm across every nerve in my body, fraying them and setting the alight with fire. The pain seemed to last for eternity before it was suddenly gone. I collapsed, gasping for air. The ground beneath me was strangely cool, the air hung heavy with a thick mist. A rustle to my left caught my attention. Standing before me was the Miko Midoriko. I had never seen her before, nor had she ever been physically described to me. But, somehow, I knew it was her. I dropped my head in a bow of reverence.

"Please, Kagome. There is no need for that. We are very much equals." A sudden thought struck me.

"I died."

"No, Kagome. Unfortunately the Gods have not seen fit to give you rest yet. There is much ahead for you. And much of it will not be pleasant."

"I don't understand. If I'm not dead, where are we?"

"Nowhere, really. The shock you received from Naraku's barrier almost killed you. Had you not passed out and let go of the arrow, you would be dead now." A shiver of fear shot through me. I could have died. "With your defenses down, I was able to slip into your subconscious to deliver a message and put a barrier around you." I was still very shaken from my near death experience and only able to mumble a barely coherent,

"Message?"

"The Gods will this to be the final battle against Naraku. They have not stepped in so far in regards to him but he has finally managed to catch their attention. They cannot destroy him themselves, though. It must be done by someone on his own plane of existence; even the Gods have rules they must follow. But, this _will_ be the end of him if you listen carefully and follow my instructions. But first, I must speak with you of the jewel." My hand lifted to grasp at the small bottle resting against my chest. "When I made the jewel I was young and foolish. To change anything about the way life is now would be selfish. Therefore, the only pure wish would be no wish at all. The jewel must be wished away where it cannot hurt or change anyone or anything." I looked to Midoriko, my confusion evident on my face.

"Would it not be a pure wish to wish that all would return to the state it was in before the jewel? What if I wished to bring back everyone whom Naraku had hurt, undo everything Naraku had done?" Midoriko's kind face shone with pity and regret.

"What of the things that have happened because of Naraku? What of the widow of the soldier lost in past fights against Naraku who found new love? Would you bring her old husband back and make her choose? What of the friendships that have been forged when villages joined together in their fight against Naraku? Would you have those friendships broken? To wish for things to go back to what they were would be selfish simply in that it would cause sadness in the lives of the innocent to bring happiness to a small few. There is, unfortunately, no pure wish but to wish the jewel destroyed." My heart was leaden at the news. I had wanted to save Kohaku, to reunite the broken families. But even as I thought it, I realized how selfish the wish was. _I _ would see those I love happy, where some might suffer.

"Understood, Midoriko." A quick smile touched Midoriko's lips before she continued on.

"With the strength I have been given to aide you I have placed your body within Naraku's barrier and temporarily blinded him. All Naraku's strength and concentration is going into maintaining that barrier and his control over his minions so you must use this temporary distraction to your advantage. When you wake immediately channel all the energy you can possibly spare into this arrow," Midoriko presented me with a solid metal arrow, "and stab it directly into the spider on his back. His barrier will fall and all hell will quite literally break lose. Your body will be in a weakened state but you must fight on. He will be unable to transport out of the battle, will be unable to fight, and will be very weak. Because of this he will call all those he controls to protect him. If they get there before your allies do, you _must_ keep them from taking his body. Fight with everything you have to keep him where his is. Your comrades will find you but it may take some time for them to get through the mass of demons he will call to surround him." Midoriko's face fell from its fierce determination. "I am so sorry this burden had to fall on one so pure as you. Yet, I fear, had it not been you Naraku would have succeeded. Do not worry my child. The Gods have a plan for you. Though it is not the one you have sought for so long." With a soft kiss to the top of my head Midoriko took two steps back and raised her arms. "Go child, you will have only seconds after you wake!" Eyes bright with energy, Midoriko threw her arms down, dropping the mist from around us and disappearing into it. My eyes shot open. Immediately I stood, the arrow fisted in my hand as I forced every ounce of energy I could find into it. I stood directly behind a struggling Naraku and raised my arm towards the sky,

"Hit the mark!"


	2. Woken from a Dream

Song: Fifteen fathoms counting- Bring me the Horizon. I picked this particular song because there is both peace and sadness in it, much like this chapter.

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>Woken from a Dream<p>

Song: Fifteen fathoms counting- Bring me the Horizon. I picked this particular song because there is both peace and sadness in it, much like this chapter.

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>Woken from a Dream<p>

"Rin hopes she will be as beautiful when she grows up." I felt a small hand against my forehead, my hair being gently brushed away.

"Hn. Come away Rin, she will wake when she is more healed."

"Jaken sent Rin away already. He told Rin to come find you. He said he doesn't know how you've 'stood the stench of the human' so long." Distantly recognizing Rin's message from Jaken as an insult, I opened my eyes. A small quickly follwed.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Look, she is awake!" My head was titled to my side. My neck felt too weak to turn my head, so I didn't fight it. A pair of pointed black boots swam into my vision, slightly obscured by the haze in my sight. A few quick steps and the owner of said boots kneeled elegantly next to me.

"Miko." His face was almost too blury to distinguish but I would know that voice anywhere.

"Sesshomaru-sama? Wh-wha-" A violent coughing fit shook through me causing piercing pain throughout my body. I tried to sit up but a large, warm hand pressed me back.

"You must remain where you are. Your injuries are quite extensive. What do you require?" In far too much pain to realize exactly _who_ had just asked me such a startling question I didn't answer and reluctantly laid back down. When I caught my breath I sought Sesshomaru out. He was not wearing his normal armor and he was not in his normal robes. I saw a few wounds on his face and neck that, though obviously healing, were still swollen and red. At the sight of his injuries everything came rushing back. The battle!

"Is he dead?"

"Yes." While I would never expect Sesshomaru to deliver the news with a smile, I could tell from his tone something was wrong. Unable to keep the smile that was very much in opposition with my question off my face, I asked,

"What happened?" A truly uncharacteristic sigh escaped Sesshomaru. He turned to the forgotten Rin and asked her to go find Kaede and tell her I had awakened. The look on Sesshomaru's face when he turned back to me was difficult to decipher.

"The battle was long and many were lost. Even I was unsure at times what the outcome would be. The jewels power strengthened Naraku beyond what I thought possible. The fall of Naraku's barrier is what decided everything. I have never seen such confusion on the battlefield. I felt the call Naraku sent out to his allies. Some went straight for him, others continued to fight their opponents, but all were distracted. Unfortunately, the fall of the barrier distracted our allies as well, allowing many of the demons to get to Naraku before they could be killed. The rest of the able allies ran to Naraku." A distant part of me felt honored that the great Sesshomaru-sama was recounting the battle in such detail to me. He rarely spoke nearly this much. "I was the first to make it to Naraku, though I could not see his body, surrounded as it was by demons." Sesshomaru looked to his side, awaiting my reply.

"…and?"

"Miko, you were there. Do you not remember?" I shut my eyes and tried. Flashes of memories, blood, lightning, screams, flashed across my eyes but nothing tangible enough to hold to. I frowned at him.

"I'm sorry, I do not."

"I thought, maybe, you wouldn't. I cannot explain exactly what happened, for I am still unsure myself, but I can tell you what I saw. When I came upon a glimpse of Naraku's body through the hoarde of demons, I saw you. You were heavily injured and surrounded by demons. But you fought as if empowered by some-otherworldly source to keep the demons from taking Narku's body. I have never seen such power." There was an almost reverence hiding in Sesshomaru's tone. "When I finally made it to you, our allies had reached the outside of where the barrier had been. With all the reinforcement the battle did not last much longer. But you did not stop fighting until the last demon fell. And when it did, you stabbed an arrow straight through Naraku's heart. You purified him and then you fell too." Sesshomaru stopped here, heaving another strange sigh. There was something he was considering saying, I could see it in his eyes. "You died, Miko." A sharp intake of my own breath resulted in another violent fit of coughing. Wood scraped wood and then my head was slowly lifted ever so slightly from the futon. A cool, clay cup pressed against my lips. "Slowly, Miko." I greedily sipped the water offered to me, the quench of my thirst overpowering the pain of swallowing. I tried to drink more quickly but Sesshomaru only helped small amounts into my mouth at a time. When I had finished the cup, he offered another. And not until I had finished a third cup did he release me. I was still too stunned by his earlier admission to notice the strange care he was affording me.

"If I died," my throat burned with the effort of talking, "why am I here?" Silently, Sesshomaru reached next to him and pulled Tensaiga into my field of vision. Realizing what he'd done my eyes started to water before I managed to squeak out a small, "Thank you." Sesshomaru then regarded me with the first smile, however small, that I had seen him wear.

"It is over, and Naraku is gone. It was an honor fighting at your side, Miko." I heard my tear drop to the floor next to me. To keep myself from sobbing in the presence of Sesshomaru, I asked the first question that came to my mind,

"Where is Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru's smile instantly fell, his normal, if even slightly more threatening, scowl quickly replaced it. Without another word Sesshomaru stood and exited the hut. I was shocked. Not so much at his abrupt departure but at the fact that Sesshomaru still couldn't even stand the mention of his brother after all these years, after fighting with him in the battle against Naraku. I was not given much time to dwell on the fact before Kaede pushed through the door mat. Her face was alight with unrestrained joy.

"Child, ye had this old woman worried."

After changing my bandages, checking my injuries and coaxing some luke-warm broth down my throat, Kaede turned to the door.

"It seems, child, that ye have a visitor." The scowl on her face made Kagome wonder who it could be. Moments later, Inuyasha pushed past the door mat.

"It stinks like _him_ in here."

"It would. He spent the last four days by her side." I locked that knowledge away to examine later. I was too excited to see Inuyasha safe and healthy to worry about it just then.

"Hmph. I woulda, I just can't stand his scent and he wouldn't leave."

"Inuyasha!" I smiled as brightly as I could up at him. As many times as I had imagined defeating Naraku, I had feared for the life of my love. While I knew he was strong, I always feared he'd be too protective and throw himself in front of me to protect me, as was his fashion, and receive a fatal blow. But he'd survived, and now we could be together, just like he'd promised the night before the battle. Inuyasha knelt down next to me.

"Took you long enough," he grumbled, I laughed.

"Apparently. I guess I was out for four days?"

"Five. We couldn't risk moving you the first night, you were too banged up. Kaede-baba patched you up and then we were able to move you."

"Oh, Inuyasha, I'm so glad it's over! Everyone can be happy again." Despite the severe pain I was in, I couldn't help reaching for his clawed hand. I squeezed it and continued holding onto it as I talked. "Please, Inuyasha. I want to see everyone. Even Kouga." I giggled and he growled. A few tense moments passed and I searched his eyes. "I guess I can wait to see Kouga until you're outside but-"

"Kouga returned home with his pack. They lost a lot of men and wanted to leave as soon as all the fallen were buried." My heart ached for Kouga and his pack. I felt great sadness for the wives and children of the men who had fallen and I sent a silent prayer to the Gods to ask for comfort for them.

"Please, can you find Miroku and Sango? I would like to wish them a happy engagement." I smiled, incredibly happy for two of my best friends, who had become the same as family to me, who could finally have a happy life after the sour ones they had been dealt. With no pretense whatsoever InuYasha spoke,

"Miroku's gone. His wind tunnel…." Inuyasha didn't need to finish for me to understand. I sobbed instantly for my lost friend and my heart burned for Sango, for I knew she must be feeling far worse than I over the loss.

"How's," a strangled sob broke through, "how's Sango taking it?" InuYasha dropped his eyes to the floor. No. _NO!_ It couldn't be!

"Sango?" His silence was all the answer I needed. The scream that ripped through my damaged throat shook me with its ferocity.


	3. Lost

Song: Already Over By: Red (last time I will use this band, sorry for using it twice, it's just the first few chapters are more about anger and pain than the others)

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>Lost<p>

The jewel in my hand felt far too heavy. The innocent pink glow it emitted turned my stomach. Everything this 'pure' jewel had touched had been soured by greed and pain. So, naturally, I spared no more than a passing thought as I wished it away. My wish had not been supported by all. Many had hoped I would use it to restore their lives to what they had been before Naraku and the corruption of the Shikon. Inuyasha was especially upset when he found out. He was furious that I would allow him to remain hanyou. In the end the only one who supported my wish was Kaede. She had been especially supportive of my decision, giving much the same reasoning as Midoriko had. As the jewel disintegrated in my hand I felt none of the rush of magic I had imagined I'd feel. There was no explosion of energy, no lightning, no thunder, not even a breeze. The jewel simply ceased to exist. I didn't care. I was far too weary to. It had been a week and 2 days since I'd woken. Exactly two weeks after the final battle. It was the first day my eyes had been dry since. Everything now seemed so surreal, so suspended. True, the final battle was over and that was strange in itself after all this time, but it was nothing like I had imagined it would be. Miroku and Sango were gone. A sharp pain lanced through my heart at the thought. InuYasha was distant and taciturn. Even Sesshomaru was acting off. He had left his ward in the village and gone who knew where. The Sesshomaru I knew cherished her more than anything and would never leave her unattended. But she had been my shadow ever since. She'd helped Kaede change my bandages and rubbed tiny circles on my back as I sobbed through the loss of my dearest friends. I knew, distantly, that I should feel bad for allowing one so young and innocent to see such a display, but it felt so wonderful having someone near her when I was in so much pain. Although, as much as I cared for Rin, I hoped Sesshomaru would come to see her soon. I didn't feel right leaving Kaede with such a young charge, no matter how well behaved she may be but I needed to be with my family for a while, and let them know I was ok. Yet, also hoped that Sesshomaru would bring her back upon my return, as I had grown quite fond of the girl, as had Shippo. Also, I knew Rin was nearing puberty and would need a human woman to explain all the confusion it brought. I had grown very fond of the little girl immediately after Sesshomaru had aligned with our group in the hunt for Naraku. I saw her much like I saw Shippo; one of my own. I sighed. It was the first day I'd been allowed to walk around and my muscles protested the effort. But I knew I would soon be in a world full of pain relievers and sleep aids; this discomfort would be momentary.

The sun stung my eyes as I limped back towards Kaede's where I could hear Shippo's laughter. Rin must be regaling him with another story of her beloved Sesshomaru-sama. When I was but five feet from the hut, a soft noise behind me caught my attention. I turned, eyes wide,

"Sesshomaru-sama." I attempted a bow but was stopped by a sharp pain in my abdomen.

"Stand, Miko. You will reinjure yourself."

"You have returned. Rin is in the hut with Shippo, would you like me to bring her to you?" Sesshomaru held his hand up.

"First, I must request your pardon. While I told Rin she would be spending her days with you while I returned home with my injured troops, I did not ask you. I knew the burden of caring for her would fall upon your shoulders, even in your delicate state. I had _intended _to ask you however-" It was strange to see the great Sesshomaru struggle for words, but I could tell he was searching for the right way to put whatever he was trying to say. He gave up. "Will you accept my regret?"

"There is no need for apologies, Sesshomaru-sama."

"Will you accept?" He asked with more force than before. I hesitated,

"Of course. She was no burden at all. You have raised her well, Sesshomaru-sama." He nodded his head in acceptance of the praise.

"It simply was not honorable for me to leave her without seeking your acceptance of her first. But she will be in need of care for a while to come, I fear, as I rebuild all that has been destroyed by Naraku. She will not be safe with me and is growing to the age of maturity. She will need guidance as I am not versed in the intricacies of human growth and maturation. I offer my thanks for your guardianship and will quickly find another to care for her so that you may be free to-"

"That's not necessary!" Interrupting Sesshomaru-sama was not someone who wanted to keep their head did lightly. But I wasn't so sure whether I cared. "Shippo loves having a friend to play with and the other village children love her. _I _ love her." Sesshomaru's eyes widened infinitesimally. "She is no burden at all." I was momentarily afraid he would take away one of the few rays of light in my life. "_Please._" Sesshomaru regarded me silently for a short time and inclined his head in acceptance. What I hoped would be seen as a smile flashed across my face. I was glad that I would not lose another I held so dear.

"You have my appreciation and thanks. Rin thinks very highly of you and I believe she will be overjoyed to hear you have accepted to care for her. I am unsure, however, how long my duties will last. I will come and visit when I can, and bring money and clothing to provide for her, so that no further burden will be put on you. Is this acceptable?"

"I would care for her as long as I am on this earth. She is a joy." A small smile flickered briefly on the edges of Sesshomaru's eyes.

"I appreciate your generosity."

"It is nothing, Sesshomaru-sama. I must ask, however, that you will spend the night with her here. I must return to my home to let my family know that I am well, and to replenish my supplies."

"Certainly, Miko. But, will it not take longer than a night to journey to your home?" I shook my head.

"How is this possible?" I was unsure how to explain and Sesshomaru noticed my hesitation. "Will someone accompany you? I can tell many of your injuries have yet to heal. Can you make the trip alone." Again, I hesitated.

"Walking to my home will take me but a few minutes. I will spend the night there and return the following night." Sesshomaru looked, if anything, confused but quickly spoke.

"Will you allow me to accompany you? I admit I am interested in your home, as I know there to be no villages nearby. I will return to Rin once I see you safely there and will return to escort you back on the morrow." Shocked by his request and admission, but knowing not to make a big deal of it in his presence, I silently nodded and turned in the direction of the well.

Walking to the well was slow, tiring work, but Sesshomaru was patient and even lent me his forearm to lean on. To say I was shocked by being allowed to use his person as a crutch would be far too great an understatement. But I very much appreciated it so I chose not to question it.

"Where is my brother?" If I had any tears left, I would have shed one.

"I do not know. He left soon after I woke and only returns for short periods of time before leaving again. Sesshomaru-sama, may I ask you something that has troubled me?" A short tilt of the head encouraged me to proceed.

"When I woke, you were in the hut with me. I overheard Kaede say you had been there for four days," I saw Sesshomaru's jaw tighten slightly, his eyes flickering down to my face momentarily. A great show of emotion for the controlled Taiyoukai, "had you been gravely injured as well?" Sudden confusion passed over Sesshomaru's eyes, and I feared I had presumed much to suggest he had been so badly hurt in battle.

"No, Miko. I was one of the few with only superficial injuries. There had been much celebration in the wake of Naraku's death. The hut was the only place where I could find solace while my injured troops recuperated enough to endure the long journey back to the West."

"Oh. I had not considered…I apologize for suggesting-" Sesshomaru looked down at me, effectively stopping the words on my lips.

"I took no offense from your query." The rest of the walk continued in silence.

Upon reaching the well, I released Sesshomaru's arm and thanked him for his help. As I hobbled the last feet to the well a sudden thought crossed my mind. How would I climb out of the well in my injured state? And as sudden as the thought came, it didn't matter. I would find a way. While it would be easier if InuYasha were there to jump me out of the well, I _needed_ to see my family and I would make it happen. Sitting on the edge of the well, I turned to Sesshomaru to ask him to tell Rin and Shippo that I would return shortly. Sesshomaru looked at me, obviously greatly confused.

"I do not understand, Miko. I assumed you only needed rest. This well cannot be your home. Why are you talking as if our journey is through?"

"Because this _is_ my home." And with that, I pushed off into the darkness. A sudden jolt rang through me. I had not made it a foot past the lip of the well before Sesshomaru caught the back of my shirt, dangling my body over the hole. With a swift movement I was standing mere inches from his face, eyes brimming with anger burning into my own.

"I mistook you, Miko. I had never thought you cowardly enough to take your own life." Confusion filled my mind for mere seconds before I realized what Sesshomaru was saying.

"No! Sesshomaru, I would _never_. This _is_ my home, rather, how I _get_ to my home. It is a portal. I am…I do not come from this time." Sesshomaru regarded me suspiciously. "I am from 500 years in the future. I do not belong to this time." I could tell he still did not believe me. "Let me show you," I pleaded, "I need to be at the bottom of the well to do so, though." Another uncomfortable silence passed between us.

"I will accompany you." Before I could reply Sesshomaru had jumped us to the bottom of the well. The floor did not respond with the same ethereal glow that it usually did. I was not surprised. Inuyasha had always been the only other being to be allowed through the time slip. I looked to Sesshomaru who was again glaring at me with thinly veiled anger and suspicion.

"Uhm, could you get back to ground level. I cannot pass with you here. The magic works only for-" I decided against using InuYasha's name, "for certain people." An obviously skeptical Sesshomaru eyed me briefly before jumping to the top of the well where he peered down at me, his face a complete shadow from the sun behind it. There was a small ledge about a foot from the bottom of the packed dirt floor of the well. I stepped on the ledge and quickly jumped off, expecting to be caught by the familiar tugging behind my belly button. But when my feet met the dirt again and I looked up and didn't see a well-house ceiling, I realized that feeling had never come. Quickly, I tried again, this time jumping up first instead of just off the ledge, to see if the added few inches would initiate the magic. Again, nothing. My heart began to race as I jumped over and over again, frantically willing the well to let me through. I _needed_ to go home. Why wouldn't it let me pass? And with all the force of a freight train, the realization hit me. The well had sealed with the disappearance of the jewel. I was stuck in the past. I collapsed, sobbing, to the dirt floor. Pitted bones digging into my skin where I lay. My screams no doubt echoed to the top of the well. Momenta later a gruff voice demanded,

"What did you do to her! Did you throw her down there?" No response. I felt InuYasha land next to me and pick me up none too gently so that he could bring me to the top of the well. As we crested the edge of the well, InuYasha put me on the ground, turning immediately to his half-brother.

"What the hell happened! Why are you even here?" I was hysterical. I couldn't stop myself from shouting.

"It's sealed! It's gone! I won't, ever again, it's sealed!" InuYasha's eyes shone with surprise when he realized what had me so upset. Against the protests of my still healing wounds and exhausted muscles I jumped towards the well for another try. A furious InuYasha grabbed my arms before I could make it over the edge.

"Do you want to kill yourself! It's done, Kagome. You can't make it work. Shoulda thought of that before you wished the jewel away," he sneered while holding my arms behind me. His words only made me struggle harder.

"No!" I screamed "You're lying!"

"Fine, see for yourself!" InuYasha snorted as he released my arms. I pushed immediately towards the well, only to be caught again, this time pulled against a broad chest.

"No, Miko." I was too hysteric to be shocked. I'd lost _everything_. Sango was gone, Miroku was gone, my home was gone. I would never be able to see any of them again. I would die and not even InuYasha could take my family the news. And suddenly, Sesshomaru's earlier suggestion of suicide didn't seem so ludicrous.


	4. The Lies We Tell Oursleves

A/N: I _promise_ this is/will be a Sess/Kag fic, just give it a little more time.

Song: Stranger By: Katie Costello (she has many other beautiful songs as well. I suggest listening to "Anywhere Place" and "Loat and Far From Home" when you next find you want some peaceful music)

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>The Lies We Tell Ourselves<p>

The days passed slowly in my wooden prison. Everyone seemed to grow and move on around me. I still ached for my family that had been taken from more, for the friends I had lost. But I needed to move on. InuYasha and I were newly mated and I could not present him an unhappy wife when he returned from his daily work. His proposal had not been the most beautiful or romantic by far but I cherished it because it was _mine_, one of my few possessions left, and because it was from _him_.

_"Kagome?" I didn't look up from my scrubbing, the trickle of the stream tickled my wrists. "Kaede-baba said you were looking for me?" I _had_ been looking for him a few days ago. He'd left on another of his weeklong disappearances. Now I wasn't so sure I wanted to find him. "Kagome," A hint of annoyance crept into his voice, "why are you crying?" Curse his sense of smell. I shook my head, willing him to go away. I had volunteered to do the wash for just this reason. I was tired of crying in front of those I loved. I needed to be brave, to heal, even if only in pretense. "Kagome!" He demanded. His hand rested heavily on my shoulder in an attempt to turn me. I turned my head even further from him. InuYasha removed his hand from my shoulder and slipped in behind my knees, his other arm supporting my back. Silently he carried me to rest against a tree at the edge of the forest. His eyes searched mine. "Ka-go-me. Tell me what's wrong." I couldn't look into his eyes and still refuse him._

_ "Why did it have to happen this way?" I sobbed and all my emotions broke lose "Why did they have to die? Why did the well have to seal? I'll never see my family again and no one will ever be able to tell them I survived the battle! They'll always think-" A thick sob, "always believe that I died. And now I'm left here __**all alone**__, all my dreams are gone!" With an awkward tenderness rarely afforded to anyone, InuYasha grabbed my hands and stayed silent as I cried myself out. When I was through I searched for his eyes, only to find them hooded beneath his long white hair. "InuYasha?"_

_ "I had always thought…I mean, I asked the night before the battle. Do you not want to be with me anymore?" The rush of joy I should have felt was not nearly as strong as I was expecting. However, considering it was greatly overshadowed by my angry confusion it was not surprising._

_ "But you left! You are always leaving! I thought you had given up on me, that _you_ had changed _your_ mind! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you know-"_

_ The sudden pressure on my lips startled me, forcing my eyes up in front of me. IunYasha's eyes were mere inches from mine as he clumsily pressed against me. It took me a few moments to respond. But, closing my eyes and shutting out the image of his furrowed brow, I did. There were no fireworks like I had imagined, like I had been told. And when he laid me down on the cool autumn grass I felt no anxious anticipation like I had dreamed I would. It seemed all too sudden, too forced. If asked, I would have professed my apprehension and desire to wait. But it was InuYasha, and I loved him. His hands on my skin, pushing my clothes roughly away, felt dirty, and I shivered. But that was only natural. I was a virgin, I would of course feel slighty guilty about giving myself wholly to another. And when it was over, far sooner than I had been taught it would, but far later than felt comfortable, I turned to my side, shivering with more than just the cold. But as I closed my eyes, I managed a smile. I had finally mated InuYasha. We would grow and learn more about eachother. I would carry his children and we would grow old together. And at the moment, that was all that mattered. InuYasha had been the thing I cherished most, and if I had to lose everything else, at least I had him._

My reminiscing came to an abrupt halt as InuYasha pushed through the door mat. A tender smiled touched my lips.

"InuYasha." I wove my arms around his neck and kissed his turned cheek.

"Kaede-baba says the villagers want to see us both, something about a gift." I groaned softly. I was instantlytorn between wanting to spend time alone with InuYasha and being all too curious for my own good. I knew myself far too well to think I would be able to concentrate knowing a surprise awaited me. So, I bounced back from InuYasha, grabbed his clawed hand, and stepped out towards the setting sun.

"Isn't it wonderful? A place of our own!" The villagers, grateful that we had defeated Naraku and saddened by our losses had built InuYasha and I a hut near the edge of the village. For a brief moment when presented with the offering I was shocked that I had not realized something new was being built in the village. However, I so rarely left Kaede's hut so it made a good amount of sense. InuYasha, however, must be very good at keeping secrets or didn't notice it either even though he had barely spent any time in Kaede's hut since the final battle. Currently, I busied myself with exploring the new hut. It was only slightly bigger than the other huts in the village but that made it a mansion here. The delicate carvings etched into the wood and expertly woven window and door coverings attested that no effort had been spared to make this hut a home. The hut was divided into a main room which was about half the size of the whole structure and to two smaller back rooms, one slightly larger than the other. _'The smaller one is for a nursery,' _a middle aged village woman had supplied with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, _'but will be a good place for your young charge until then.' _I ran my hands along the bench built into the far wall. The wood had been expertly chosen and polished.My heart brimmed with gratitude over this gesture. "Isn't it beautiful, InuYasha?" Startled by his name, he looked up at me, eyes clouded with the last vestiges of a fleeing daydream.

"Hm?" I sighed and knelt next to him, using his shoulder to support my head.

"Where were you just now?" A strange look passed over his face.

"I was right here with you…Are you feeling ok?" His hand pressed against my forehead and I batted it away, laughing.

'"No, I mean in your mind. You were somewhere else."

"Keh. I don't know what you're talking about." A quick sniff ripped an angry sound from InuYasha's throat, "I hate the new moon! I sense a thing as a human. It's degrading!" A small voice came from near the fire where a thick stew was warming.

"Rin is human. She likes it." InuYasha didn't spare the poor little girl a glance.

"Keh."

"I know what will cheer you up! Dinner is almost ready." With no pretense, InuYasha stood and made his way to the larger of the two back bedrooms.

"I'm not hungry." Rin looked to me as the mat closed behind InuYasha. I sent a soft smile her way and turned to test the stew. I should have known by then that he was never happy on his human night. It was understandable. Had I suddenly gone lame, deaf and dumb, I would be irritated too. After dishing up a bowl of stew for Rin, I set the ladle back into the pot and watched as a small water droplet followed soon after.

I put Rin to bed after dinner but I needed some air before I could turn in. Out of pure habit, I made my way to the Goshinboku. Halfway there a heavy presence stopped me. After scanning the edges of my senses I relaxed. This aura was not a threatening one. But, before I could resume my journey, a large figure landed in my path,

"Sesshomaru. Welcome back."


	5. Gifted

Song: I Don't Want to Leave By: Matthew Perryman Jones

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>Gifted<p>

"Greetings, Miko." With a small bow I met Sesshomaru's eyes.

"Rin has already retired for the evening but I will wake her if you would like." Before I could turn back towards my hut he spoke,

"I cannot stay long. I came only to provide some necessities for Rin and check on her well being." An odd shaped parcel was cradled in Sesshomaru's arm. When I reached for the bundle Sesshomaru stepped back.

"It is quite heavy. I will carry it to your dwelling and be on my way." Knowing not to question him, I gestured for Sesshomaru to walk with me.

"Rin is well. She misses you greatly but has adjusted to a less nomadic way of life quite nicely and is eager to help. Her legs pain her at times but she is growing and they will continue to hurt for some time. She'll be far taller than poor Shippo in no time, I fear. With as fast as-" my foot caught on a stray root causing me to topple forward. A sharp pain jolted up my side and I heard a sharp rip, but I managed to reign in my desire to cry out. Although seemingly shocked by my sudden position on the ground, Sesshomaru quickly set his bundle on the ground and extended his hand towards mine. The look of haughty superiority or disgust that I had expected to see on his face was instead a look of veiled concern. Accepting his proffered hand, I stood. My embarrassment heated my cheeks.

"Do you often fall when distracted?" I laughed nervously before I realized he was completely serious.

"I have always been fairly clumsy. In fact, when I was seven-" my next words stuck in my throat as I saw Sesshomaru kneel next to me, his eyes focused on the side of my upper thigh. A look I'd never seen him wear clouded his eyes as he observed my leg, a claw tipped hand extended ever so slightly towards a new tear in the side of my garment.

"Sesshomaru?" His name shocked him and his eyes met mine, but he remained kneeling.

"You bleed."

"Oh!" A cool breeze across my moist thigh confirmed his words. "I must have hit a rock when I fell. I had hoped maybe my garment had received the only damage. InuYasha will not be happy when I tell him I tore _and_ stained my new hakama…"

"InuYasha? What would his involvement be in the state of your clothing? Is he-" Sesshomaru cut himself off, only now observing his surroundings. "Miko, have we not passed your dwelling?" I shook my head gently. "Do you not still reside with the elder Miko Kaede?"

"Not anymore, Sesshomaru. The villagers built us a new home in thanks for defeating Naraku."

"You, Rin, and Shippo?" Knowing the distaste Sesshomaru had for his brother, and that the mere mention of his name sent Sesshomaru away those many days before, I measure my words as carefully as I could.

"Yes. For Rin, Shippo, and myself. And InuYasha." Sesshomaru stood abruptly, and backed away as if burned.

"Explain, Miko." In no mood to be ordered around but too weary to resist I answered,

"InuYasha and I mated not a week ago." The emotion on Sesshomaru's face was difficult to pinpoint. While he had seemed more expressive lately, he was still a master at masking his true emotions when he wanted to.

"InuYasha _told _you that you two were mated? Not that you _had_ mated but that you _are_ mates?" I was confused at the strange emphasis he had put into his question but answered regardless.

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama. He and I _are_ mates." For the briefest second I saw pity in his eyes which I disregarded due to Sesshomaru's obvious lack of any civil feelings towards his brother.

"I have many responsibilities that need tending, Miko. Is your hut near?" Ice has slipped back into his tone.

"Just over that hill, Sesshomaru-sama," my reply was filled with a similar bite.

The next morning dawned damp and chilly. I could hear sparse rain hitting the roof. Winter was near. I turned to my side, intending to rouse InuYasha. I had slid into the futon next to him after returning with Sesshomaru's parcel but he was already gone. A sigh escaped my lips without my permission. I had yet to wake up next to a still sleeping InuYasha. When I was a young girl I had always dreamed that when I married I would always wake to the sleeping face of my husband, his strong arms wrapped protectively around my waist. But those were the dreams of a child. I was adult enough to accept that marriages are never the perfection they are portrayed as in movies or books. There is give, and take, and disappointment. I would have to learn to accept that. And with one final glance at the cold, empty futon next to me I stood to greet the day.

It was nightfall before I saw InuYasha. My fears that he had left for another weeklong absence silence when he pushed through the entryway with Shippo in tow. Shippo had been afraid of the new hut, as it sat so close to the edge of the dark forest, so I had allowed him to spend the night with Kaede. I was not surprised to see him, though. He and Rin had become fast friends and I knew he would miss her constant companionship. I knelt down to him after swiftly pressing a kiss to InuYasha's cheek.

"I missed you Shippo. Will you be staying with us from now on or have you only come to see Rin," my voice was teasing. Shippo blushed.

"InuYasha says I'm going to be a man soon so 'I should act like one'" I scowled. All laughter gone from my voice I stroked Shippo's hair and replied.

"Oh Shippo. Yes, you are growing up, but that doesn't mean you can't still be afraid of a few things. Real men can still be afraid, as long as they face their fears when it is required of them to protect the ones they love." A quick kiss to the forehead and a loving swat to his backside had Shippo smiling again. "Now, go see if Rin needs any help with her mending." Shippo skipped away and I turned to my room intent on setting InuYasha straight, mate or no.

I found him in the far corner of our room with his sword propped against his knee his hand folded in his sleeves, staring daggers at the rumpled futon.

"InuYasha, why did you say those things to Shippo? He is still very young and has suffered many horrors in his short life. He has good reason to be afraid of what lurks in the shadows." My tone was angry but I kept my voice low so the children would not hear. InuYasha snorted.

"Keh. I'd suffered twice as much by the time I was half his age. It's time he started acting like a man."

"But he's _not_ a man! He's still very much a little boy. Do not force him to grow too quickly or he may inherit your temper." I started when InuYasha stood abruptly and for the first time since I'd met him, and by the look in his eyes, I was afraid he would strike me. But he did not. Instead, he kissed me. And as much as I wanted to be angry with him and to protest my current situation I found I could not. This was the first time since our mating that he had sought my touch and I would not ruin it over something as silly as my pride. I clung to him, needing to be closer to him. He wasted no time in lowering us to the futon. I reached for his haori, but he shrugged my hand away. My hands moved to fist in his hair but he shook those away too. Sensing something was wrong, I attempted to break the kiss but found I could not. I tried to shove him away but he would not budge. I felt his hands pulling at my hakama and I fought harder. InuYasha finally broke the kiss and looked down at me,

"Don't you love me?" The question broke my heart. Of _course_ I did. And I would show him. Without a second though I shoved my hakama past my ankles and set my arms innocently at my side before breathing a reply,

"Yes."

As soon as InuYasha pulled his hakama back over his hips and pushed mine towards me, he left the room. The night air that stole it's way pat the window coverings was cold on my legs. A bought of childish laughter reached my ears before I could allow my tears to fall. The noise reminded me that my attention was needed elsewhere and that simply because my marriage was normal and not like the lies in children's fairytales did not give me an excuse to shirk my responsibilities.

The soft firelight in the center of the room flashed across the Shippos face, complimenting his fiery hair. I smiled and willed myself to forget my troubles and be a good mother.

Dinner had been am altogether silent affair. Shippo seemed to sense something was up and Rin would more often than not mimic his mood. InuYasha had not returned since we'd lain together hours before.

"Alright you two. You've been allowed up far later than normal, it's time for you to go to sleep." I expected whines and shout of disappointment, pleas for five more minutes. Shippo and Rin simply exchanged looks and stood. "Oh. OK then." My peripheral vision caught a fleck of yellow in the corner. "Shippo, would you mind setting up the futons for you and Rin?" He nodded and bounced towards their room. Rin regarded me with far too much knowledge in her young eyes for my comfort. I gestured her forward and knelt to her level.

"Rin, dear, last night while you slept Sesshomaru-sama visited," her disappointment was painfully evident on her innocent face. "But he promised he would return soon. He sent his regards and he left something for you." Her eyes it up and I almost laughed. What child _didn't _like receiving a gift? I retrieved the bundle from the corner next to the door where Sesshomaru had left it the night before. It was not heavy at all like Sesshomaru had made it out to be. I set the bundle in front of her and waited for her to open it. Rin pushed excitedly past the yellow silk. Within the bundle lay a small stack of Yukatas. Most were muted and simple. There were two at the bottom, though, that had obviously been very expensive and had much care taken to make them. Next to the stack of clothing was a fair sized wooden box resting under a large tooth that was attached to a leather necklace. "Ah-un!" Rin squealed "Sesshomaru-sama, _never_ let me keep one of their fallen fangs!" The shocked girl hugged the charm close. And as suddenly as her excitement had grown, it ebbed and her face fell. Sobs quickly overtook her tiny body. Immediately I pulled her close, rocking her. She missed her protector fiercely and had obviously been hiding her pain until now.

When Rin's sobs finally quieted and turned to soft hiccups I stood and carried her to her room. Shippo had long since fallen asleep sprawled out across his futon. A hesitant smile touched my lips. He was growing up and obviously no longer needed me to kiss him goodnight to fall to sleep. I laid Rin down on the Futon next to him and curled up behind her until I was sure she was asleep. A strange prickling on the edge of my aura caught my attention and I stood, making sure to first give both the children kisses and readjusting their blankets before leaving their room to investigate. When I had completed the task, the strange sensation was gone and I didn't give it another thought.

The fire in the main room was dim but not enough to hide the bundle of clothing left in the middle of the floor. As I bent to pick up the discarded items and put them neatly in Rin's clothing chest I noticed the unopened box. Resisting curiosity had never been my strong point. And while I knew the box probably held nothing more than a small trinket I had to know what was inside. Ever so gently I peeled the lid off the top of the box I had set in my lap. Resting at the top of the box lay a note that simply said "Miko". With only slight trepidation I lifted the note and examined the back. In the most beautiful script I had ever seen were the few words "For all you have done". Setting the note aside for later, I peered inside the box. A delicate silk sachet rested near the top. I lifted it to my nose and the calming scents of lavender and jasmine filled my lungs. With even more care than the letter, I set the sachet aside to grab the final item in the box. Unable to restrain myself, I gasped. I held in my hands the most beautiful teapot I had ever seen. The azure glaze on the teapot was painted with a delicate design. Silver lines swirled intricately about the base of the pot and tapered into small dots at the top of the pot. The lid was plain but for a beautifully painted silver "K". The handle of the teapot, fatter towards the middle and tapered where it connected to the rest of the teapot, was painted solid with the same silver as the designs. I wondered if Sesshomaru had noticed the handle's resemblance to the crescent moon. I was stunned. How had Sesshomaru known I needed one? My teapot from my home in the future had been broken the night before the final battle when my backpack had been knocked from my shoulder by and anxious InuYasha. True, I had lamented it's loss, but it was a plain teapot and could be replaced. I had not yet to replace it, however, and now had no need to. I smiled. I had _never_ been one to accept extravagant gifts but something about this gift, besides the fact that it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, hinted that it would be rude to refuse it as it seemed much thought had gone into its creation, down to the ornate "K" which could only be meant to mark it as mine.

"What the hell is that?" A large shadow materialized over me, covering my newest treasure in darkness.

A/N: I hate to ask but, _Reviews Please_? I need to know how you feel about this and if you are interested in its continutation….much appreciated!


	6. Little White Lies

A/N: Sorry about the delay in updates. I've been picking up extra shifts at work, and working double shifts, etc. to make ends meet! Plus I've been a little creatively stopped up. So, even though I have a lot of other things written for the story, it's filling in the details for the chapters that has me all backed up! I would really appreciate it if you took the time to review, thanks!

This long chapter has a few moods and therefore need a few songs to accompany it.  
><strong>Songs: Blue Light of the Flame By: Dar Williams<br>Turn Our Eyes Away By: Trent Dabbs & Ruby Amanfu  
>Gravity By: Sara Bareilles<strong>

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~  
>Little White Lies<p>

Although I was secretly pleased that he had returned before morning, I could not deny that I was still upset with his earlier treatment of Shippo. I made no attempt to hide the annoyance in my tone.

"It's a teapot, InuYasha. A replacement for the one _you_ broke." Inuyasha made a derisive noise in the back of his throat.

"I didn't break it. _You_ dropped your bag." Rather than argue with him over something so trivial, even though I was still a little irritated, I chose to drop the subject. He and I were mates now and we could not let small disagreements interrupt our happiness. Besides, I was starting to get increasingly curious about where exactly he went when he left and wanted to shift the conversation in that direction.

"InuYasha, where is it that you go when-" I saw his nose twitch and his eyes narrow right before he cut me off,

"Let me see that." His tone was dangerously calm.

"Why? It's just a teapot."

"Let. Me. See. It." I pulled the teapot closer to myself unconsciously before speaking.

"What's the matter with you? Why do you care about-"

"_HE_ gave it to you, didn't he! I can smell him all over it!" InuYasha paused for a moment; I could see him thinking hard, trying to figure something out. Suddenly, "Giving you gifts so you'll continue to watch his brat? That arrogant prick thinks he can buy anyone with money! Well, he ain't gonna buy you!" Before I realized his intention InuYasha had knocked the beautiful teapot from my hands. I barely caught it before it would have shattered against the floorboards. He narrowed his eyes, grunted, and walked away, but not before shouting a command behind him.

"Get rid of it. And don't accept anything else from him, Kagome. He always has an ulterior motive and I don't want _anything_ of his in this house!" The reed mat covering our bedroom door slapped against the frame behind him. Shocked, at his strange outburst and sudden retreat, and saddened, I wrapped the teapot in the yellow silk of the bundle and placed it gently back in its box. I had not had time to consider Sesshomaru's reasons for presenting me with such a gift other than what he had stated on his note but InuYasha had made it sound far more horrible than it probably was. Regardless of Sesshomaru's motives I loved this teapot. But, if I wanted to keep it safe, I could not let InuYasha see it. Therefore, I could not use it.

The next few weeks passed slowly. There wasn't much for me to do. Shippo had taken to training with some of the village boys. Rin, with her love of plants, had become very interested in helping Kaede gather herbs daily and brew them into medicinal salves and teas. InuYasha was gone more often than I felt comfortable with. I was growing very irritated with his refusal to tell me of his whereabouts. I trusted him but it was quickly getting more difficult to hold on to that trust. But, whenever I questioned him, he would get defensive and upset. We would end up fighting and I would spend the night alone in our hut. Not that he was _ever_ next to me when I woke up, regardless of whether he laid down next to me the night prior or not. It was nearing the night of the new moon again and while I wished to broach the subject with him, it didn't seem the right time to aggravate my already irritated mate. And, I loved him, so I would give him his space until after the upcoming new moon.

"Dinner?" InuYasha startled me from my thoughts. His cute ears flicking in his hair as he poked his head through the front door of our hut. I smiled, pleased to see him home.

"Only a few more minutes. Would you mind telling Shippo it's time to come home? He knows to walk by Kaede's to get Rin before he comes home." He rolled his eyes.

"Keh!" I set the spoon I was using to stir the soup against the side of the pot and stood to fix the hanging doormat. Something strange caught my eye. There was a bright rust colored stain on the outside of the door jamb. Upon further inspection I noticed it was in the shape of a hand. A large hand. A large _clawed_ hand. Quickly, not wanting the blood to seep any further in the wood, I gathered some water and a rag and scrubbed the blood away the best I could. I made a mental note to ask InuYasha about it later.

"….And they lived happily ever after." I looked down at the gently snoring kitsune in my arms. I loved him so much, even if he was drooling all over my hakama. I continued to stare at him and a single tear escaped my eye. Sometimes it was hard being around Shippo. He had many attributes that reminded me of Souta, the brother I missed so much.

"Why are you crying Kagome?" I looked over at Rin. I hadn't realized she was still awake. I forced a smile onto my lips. I didn't want to complicate things by telling Rin about my past life in the future, so I amended my story slightly.

"I had a brother when I was younger and he's….gone now. I was merely remembering him." Rin looked at me with a strangely critical eye for an unnervingly long period of time before she said simply,

"Oh," and closed her eyes. I carried Shippo over to his futon and gave him and Rin both a gentle kiss on the forehead. Suddenly, a dish shattered outside the children's room and my heart stopped for a moment as I thought desperately '_not the teapot!'_ I ran out to see what had made the noise and was only relieved for a second as I looked to the sight in front of me. InuYasha, covered head to toe in mud, leaves, and blood, was lying motionless on the floor. A nasty rip in his hakama revealed an equally shocking gash on the side of his left leg. Immediately I went for my first aid supplies and was at his side. I tried to assess the situation as quickly as possible. I could still feel the pulse in his wrist but it seemed slighter than was safe. He was still breathing but only with shallow breaths. None of his wounds were bleeding too fast so I could tell that none of his main arteries had been nicked. With as much care as I could use, I flipped him onto his back, carefully avoiding the shards of pottery on the floor. Quickly but carefully, I pulled his haori from his chest and arms, leaving it under his back. I did the same with his undershirt. Bruises covered his chest and shoulders. And, as horrible as they looked, they were not my main concern. The New moon was tomorrow and if I couldn't stop the bleeding and sew his wounds up immediately, they would not heal before InuYasha turned human. I didn't want to think of what would happen then. As gentle but quickly as I could, I removed InuYasha's hakama. His newly revealed skin told me that his lower body had taken the brunt of the damage. On auto pilot, I set a pot of water over the fire to boil and found the freshest rags we had. A chest on the far wall contained all my medical supplies. I lifted the already creaky lid and took stock of what I had left. There were barely enough dressings for the night. I could make some more in the morning when he was better. Fortunately, with Rin spending so much time with Kaede, my medicinal salve stock had never been better. I grabbed a jar that would help stop the bleeding and prevent infection. He was unconscious currently so I would apply a salve for pain control later. As it was difficult to make and the ingredients were hard to find, I needed to use that particular slave sparingly so I would have enough left for InuYasha's human night, which would undoubtedly be quite uncomfortable for him. Rushing back over to InuYasha, I set to work and hoped that it would be enough.

The next morning dawned foggy; a bitter chill clinging to the air. I had been up the entire night before fixing InuYahsa's wounds. It had taken an immense effort but his bleeding was stopped, his breathing and heart rate were normal, and he was resting peacefully. And, although he had yet to regain consciousness, I felt good about his condition. He _would_ be in a great amount of pain tonight, but he would live through it. However, his hanyou body was not healing with the speed it normally did. This worried me but there were other things that I needed to deal with as well. As tonight was the night of the new moon and InuYasha was severely injured, I needed to apply wards around the hut. Even in his human form, IunYasha was a formidable foe. If he was injured, though, he would be defenseless. While I could shoot arrows with growing accuracy, I was still no match for a full blood demon without the help of InuYasha. After the wards were set up, I would need to gather Shippo and Rin and make sure they were safe within the wards. With no InuYasha to protect them, I worried they would find the trouble that inevitably found us at our weakest moments. I needed to make sure Rin would remember the medical supplies I asked her to retrieve from Kaede. A sudden shock of electricity flashed at the very edge of my aura. A _very_ powerful, seemingly unknown, demon was headed our way quickly.

_"CRAP!"_ Just when I was most defenseless. I immediately grabbed my bow and quiver to meet the oncoming demon, praying for a miracle while shooting a quick warding chant over my shoulder to protect InuYasha from being sensed while I was gone.

The energy I felt rushing toward the area had suddenly stopped and disappeared. And not just turned around but _vanished_. A knot pulled in my stomach. I'd never felt such a thing; that scared me even more. As quickly as I could, I turned back toward the village, all the while searching for the demon energy I had felt moments ago, and gathered the children. Rin, laden with medical supplies, met me at Kaede's door.

"Quickly Rin, give me the supplies, find Shippo, and get back to the hut as fast as you can!" Kaede looked up from her weaving at the urgency in my voice.

"What has ye so spooked child?"

"That demon energy, Kaede, didn't you feel it a moment ago?" A strange look past behind Kaede's eyes before she spoke, slowly.

"No child, I haven't felt any demons around the village beside InuYasha for weeks now. Are you feeling well? You have seemed a little off lately…" My fear and worry set me on edge and I responded more harshly than I should have,

"I'm _not_ crazy Kaede! I felt it, coming very fast, in this direction not two minutes ago!" I turned from the hut with one thing on my mind; securing the hut. I had very few things left in my life that I cared about, and most of them were in my defenseless hut on the edge of the village. As soon as I could barely see my hut I started casting wards around it. Wards for protection, for masking, for repelling, anything I could think of. I would protect my few remaining companions with my life.

Two hours later found me sitting in front of my hut, seriously considering Kaede's earlier unspoken accusation. I had watched the sun set slowly in the distance and felt the familiar flash of youki disappearing after InuYasha's transformation. A wicked chill had seeped back into the air and I chanced a run back into the house for a heavy outer kimono. I saw InuYasha laying in the same spot I left him when I entered our room. His condition had improved but there were still serious wounds. While he was not awake I could tell he was in a great deal of pain. His unconscious state was restless and when his body shifted a tight moan of pain would slip from his throat. Kaede, who had come to the hut not long after my disrespectful outburst, had been continuously applying a numbing salve to his more serious injuries but the salve was only so strong. I hated feeling so helpless. A quick spark at the edge of my aura startled me. While the spark was stationary now, it was the same energy as before. Slightly more at ease, owing to the fact that whoever held this energy was not rushing to attack as I first assumed, I rose to investigate.

Not two minutes outside the village, a solid figure stood. I immediately recognized him and let out a breath I did not realize I had been holding. As I approached him, though, I felt annoyance wind its way through my thoughts. I stopped before him with the intent to reprimand him but was stopped before I could speak.

"This Sesshomaru apologizes, Miko." Unable to respond after an apology from the one person I _never_ expected to hear another one from, I just stared at him. "I realized my sudden presence startled you earlier. My intention was not to scare, merely to announce my coming. As I did not wish to let _others_ know of my arrival I could not, however, use my own energies." I was _still_ in shock so I merely stammered out an acceptance. It seemed as though he wished for me to speak first. So, I gathered my scattered wits and offered,

"Thank you for the teapot and the sachet. The sachet smells wonderful and I do not think I have ever seen a more beautiful teapot. I greatly appreciate it, Sesshomaru-sama." I bowed low, only rising when he let a quick, quiet growl loose.

"Even with her caring manner, Rin is still a child and can cause headaches. I fear that with her nearing maturity, the headaches will only be more numerous. I have found those scents within the sachet to calm the pain." I laughed. Sesshomaru shot me a strange look. Embarrassed, I searched quickly for something to fill the silence with, grasping at the first thought into my mind.

"Inuyasha was not happy when he found out who had sent the gifts." Kagome hesitated, unsure whether she should continue now that she realized what she was saying and that she had seen the unsettled look Sesshomaru quickly masked. "He…he knocked it out of my hands. I managed to catch it before it hit the floor, but…"

"Owing to the fact that your first one was broken by the same careless hanyou and that you have two young ones with you, I had an enchantment placed upon the teapot. Do not worry for its safety. Nothing the Hanyou could do would break it. However, in the future it would be wise not to allow the Hanyou to see my offerings". I nodded quickly. Sesshomaru abruptly changed the subject.

"Rin is well?"

"Very. She misses you still but has found many activities to occupy her mind. Those kimono you brought the last time are being put to use as well. I fear she grows an inch each day." Sesshomaru looked past me towards the hut he must know she resided in. "I can bring her out to see you if-" Sesshomaru's raised hand halted my invitation.

"She must learn that I cannot always be there. She must…be with others of her kind." I sensed there was something Sesshomaru was not saying, but felt it would be rude and highly inappropriate to press him.

"Understood. Nevertheless, I know she would love to see you again soon. She speaks of you often."

"You may tell her I inquired after her. However, I cannot make any promise to speak with her anytime soon. Certain…requirements must be met. It is for her own good." A felt a tiny flame of anger stir in my gut. How was avoiding a child who hero worshipped you, _loved_ you like you were her own parent, be for anyone's own good? Sesshomaru seemed to notice my sudden change in mood and moved to stop the flame before it grew. "This is for her. She owned one once but it was lost. Now that she is soon to reach maturity it would be appropriate for her acquire such tools." In Sesshomaru's outstretched hand was a small wooden box. It was ornate in its simplicity. A small bloom was the only decoration carved into the center of the warm brown surface of the lid. A soft flick of his wrist opened the box to reveal the most intricately designed hairbrush I had ever seen. Looking pat the fact that I had _no_ idea how Sesshomaru had gotten his hand on an _ivory_ brush, I studied the details of the brush. The tines of the brush were the same ivory of the handle and were slightly thicker and more round at the ends to be gentle on the scalp. The handle was carved to look as if many spiraling vines had come together to form one strong vine where a beautiful flower, the backside of the brush, rested, mid-bloom. Somehow the brush maker had forced dye into the ivory where the petals of the flower were. In the very center of the flower was a canary diamond, another strange acquisition for this particular part of the world. The diamond was the only thing on the brush that sparkled but Kagome knew any more jewels on this simple, yet elegant, brush would ruin it.

"She will love it," I breathed. "I will make sure she take the greatest care with it." An infinitesimal smirk touched Sesshomaru's straight face for but a second before he replied,

"I appreciate that you teach her to care for her possessions. However, this brush holds the same enchantment as your teapot. She need not know that, though." I smiled. He had the foresight of a Kami. "And this, Miko, is for you." A box I had not noticed before was held in front of me. "I have encountered many different teas throughout my travels and have found these particular ones to be the most pleasing. This particular tea," Sesshomaru plucked a single silk square from the box and held it up for inspection, his voice lowering an octave, "is by far the best that this Sesshomaru has _ever_ tasted." A strange shiver ran unbidden down my spine at his last words. Ignoring it I looked to see many different silk squares that contained different looking dried plant parts. Some were leaves, some were petals, some even looked like small twigs. There was an impressive array of colors as well. Purples, pinks, greens, yellows, and of course browns. The silk Sesshomaru held up was different than the others in that the material was a deep red rather than the muddled beige of the others. The scents lazily climbing their way up from the box were so wonderful that my mouth quite literally watered. But, I did not understand. Giving gifts to his ward was one thing, but to me? I opened my mouth to protest but I was again stopped.

"It would be a great insult to my honor if I did not provide you with compensation for you time," he gestured to the box of teas, "and monetary compensation as well." A heavy purse was placed in my hands and I immediately shoved it back at him.

"Sesshomaru, that is not necessary! I very much appreciate the offer but I cannot take your money. Rin is no burden. I willingly accept your gift of teas as it would be impolite to decline such but it would be impolite _as well as_ unnecessary for me to accept your _money_. Her joy is worth more to me than any jewel or metal!" Sesshomaru studied me for five long seconds before pushing the purse back towards my chest.

"My honor demands I compensate you. Rin requires food and lodging. This Sesshomaru would not leave those expenses to another, especially when I can more than easily afford them."

"Thank you, but no." I shoved the purse back towards him.

"There is no argument. You will accept." The purse was shoved back towards me with more force than before.

"No." I made to once again move the purse towards Sesshomaru but my cold palm slid across the bottom of the silk and grazed Sesshomaru's knuckles. A wave of electricity skittered across every nerve in my body at the contact and I watched, stunned, as Sesshomaru pulled his arm back as if attacked. A long moment passed between us before Sesshomaru spoke once more,

"Very well. This Sesshomaru understand that you will not willingly accept my offering." Something about the way Sesshomaru said it, something about his tone, made me suspicious of his sudden relent. "There are matters that must been seen to. I will take my leave." And with that he was gone.

When the sun finally rose the next morning I breathed a sigh of relief. InuYasha had made it through his human night. He would heal quickly now. Since he still had yet to wake, and because I was exhausted from keeping watch the previous night, I laid down next to him and let sleep take me.

A sharp pain in my side shocked me awake. Standing above me, using his toes to wake me, stood InuYasha. His eyes were slightly glazed and he swayed where he stood. He opened his mouth to speak and I nearly gagged. He _reaked_ of sake.

"You gonna –hic- sleep all day you lazy wench? You been here doing nothin' all day while I'm out pro-hic-tectin' you."

"InuYasha. You're drunk…?" I was still a little foggy from sleep and I was trying hard to understand how it was that InuYasha could _possibly_ have become drunk. I thought his system filtered toxins out at a speed too quick to allow for intoxication.

"Shut-up! I ain't dr…unk!" A small cloud of dust swirled angrily in the air when InuYashas face hit the floor. I sat up quickly, unbothered by his words. I was not happy that he'd been drinking, and somehow consumed enough of something very strong to become drunk, but his words were not his own. That was the sake speaking and I knew it.

With my feeble strength, I would never be able to move him onto the futon but I could try and make him comfortable while he slept this off. I reached for my pillow, intending to lay both my own pillow and InuYasha's pillow under his head when a scrap of yellow and blue caught my eye. Lying innocently where my pillow had just been was the purse of coins Sesshomaru had tried to give me last night. A small snarl passed my lips a second before realization hit. I could worry about Sesshomaru not listening to me later. Right now, I had to make sure there was _nothing_ in the room that held Sesshomaru's scent. InuYasha had been furious when he'd last smelled his brother's scent and I was not eager to see that side of InuYasha again soon. I rolled my bedding up quickly and grabbed my pillow. The scent on the purse would no doubt have transferred onto the porous fabric. It would all need to be washed.

I scrubbed the bedding thoroughly but quickly, the purse tied to a rock under the water to remove the scent while I worked. I sent a silent pray of thanks up to any Kami listening that InuYasha had been inebriated upon his return. No, I didn't want InuYasha to drink but it had been pure luck that he had been drunk or InuYasha would have smelled his brother on my bedding.

Finally awake after passing out hours before, InuYasha stumbled into the main room of our hut and past where Rin and Shippou sat, exchanging stories about adventure they'd been on. His glazed eyes focused on the mess of white near the fire.

"Why'd you wash the bedding? It ain't gonna be dry by tonight to sleep on! Sometimes I wonder how you made it this far…." InuYasha left the hut mumbling to himself but I only caught snippets of what he was saying "woman's got no sense…messes up the only work she has ever done…" The sting of his words was quite real now that he seemed sober enough. But, as the children looked up to me to see my reaction, I smiled.

"He's just stressed. He's been through a lot recently." He _had_ been through a lot recently and I knew I had to stand by him, for better or for worse. Problem was, 'worse' seemed to be the norm. I still could not get him to tell me how he had ended up so injured. No matter the tactic I employed, InuYasha would not relent.

Two more moons passed. And with each new moon, a visit from Sesshomaru was had. He continued to bring gifts for Rin; more kimonos for her growing body and the changing season, larger sandals, and a beautiful wooden chest for Rin to store her new things in. I continued to receive gifts as well. I felt guilty that Sesshomaru felt he needed to waste time and money to repay me for watching Rin, who I was very quickly starting to see as my own, on gifts that I had to hide or make excuses for their sudden appearance. I knew he was honor bound to do so but I felt like such a burden for him. That did not mean, however, that I did not appreciate his gifts. He'd brought me a gorgeous winter Kimono lined with the softest fur I had ever felt; I had long ago lost my repulsion over wearing animal fur. It was necessary in this era to wear fur to keep warm during the bitter winter months in a drafty hut. He also brought me more tea silks and a brush similar in craftsmanship to the one he had given Rin. This brush was larger, though, and fashioned into swirls that were intended to mimic water. A sapphire nestled into the top of the handle and a strand of pearls was somehow fused in a coil around the whole brush. I loved every offering he brought. Well, I loved all but the money he continued to find ways to _make_ me take. Another new moon was upon us and I could not deny my slight excitement at seeing what new treasure Sesshomaru had found. Even if I felt guilty about receiving the items, it did not mean I was not happy to receive them. Besides, it would be Christmas Eve back home tonight. The calendar I had stowed in my bag told me so. Receiving a gift on this night would help ease some of the ache I felt at not being able to exchange gifts with my family on Christmas morning. And, in honor of the Christmas tradition of a gift _exchange_, I had managed to find something that I hoped would please Lord Sesshomaru.

"The kimono suits you." I bowed low.

"I am so grateful for it. It has kept me warm and comfortable through this hard season." Sesshomaru did not reply. He merely looked very slightly annoyed. In a rush to remedy whatever offense I had offered, I held my hand out in front of me and bowed again.

"For you, Sesshomaru-sama." He studied me, as if he did not understand what I was doing. I frowned slightly. Had no one ever given him a gift? I reached for Sesshomaru's hand so that I might place my gift in it but he snatched his arm back before I could do so. Slightly hurt and more than discouraged I tried one last time.

"Please, Sesshomaru-sama. I wish for you to have this." Slowly, Sesshomaru reached out to grab at the pendant swinging from the chain in my fingers. I grew nervous while he studied it and started to try and explain what now seemed a very foolish thing to have offered,

"I know it's not very manly and it's not _new_ but I didn't have a new one to put it in. It's kinda big, sorry. I dunno why they made it so big. And-" Sesshomaru was examining the pendant intently, running a claw tip along the seam running down the sides. Feeling awkward and impatient I pulled the necklace back and popped the locket open. I swiftly handed it back to him so he could understand that I did not break it, only revealed what was inside. "My camera fell from my bag and took a picture when it hit the ground. The camera broke, but not before spitting out this picture. It's one of those old school cameras that prints the photo right away on the weird paper and you can watch the picture develop right before your eyes and...you have _no_ idea what I'm talking about, do you?" He seemed not only to not know what I was talking about, but to not have heard a single word. His gaze was focused entirely on the image in the locket. The picture had been taken quite by accident, but I liked how wonderfully vibrant and happy Rin looked in the picture so I kept it. She had been sitting on my lap, listening while I told her and Shippo about some of the amazing technology of my time which had seemed like fairy tale talk to them. I had an old locket that I had bought on a whim once and wore only once. The place for the picture was so large that I felt I would look silly with the thing hanging from my neck. When I had been searching for something to present Sesshomaru with I almost shouted with joy when I realized I could give him something to carry with him that would remind him of Rin who, though he would never admit it out loud, he loved dearly. The only problem was that to keep the picture large enough to fit snugly inside the locket, my face had to be included in the cut-out as well. He looked up at me and I found it impossible to understand the emotion barely there in his eyes. I seized the opportunity to explain. "It would be difficult to explain the image in the necklace, but know it is real. I wanted you to be able to have Rin with you always. I apologize, Sesshomaru-sama, that I am in the image as well. If I had cut my face out of the image, however, the picture would not have fit snugly…." I trailed off as he looked back down at the image. My weight shifted back and forth as I waited for his response. Though, after waiting some time for a response and very close to believing he absolutely hated it, I moved to speak only to be cut off by Sesshomaru.

"Your gift, while entirely unnecessary, is appreciated." I felt a broad smile bloom across my face, unable to avoid impolitely showing my teeth in my excitement. It was not a rush of gratitude but I suspected it was as close as he was capable of getting. "Now, Miko, please accept _my_ offering."

Reaching inside his robes, Sesshomaru pulled out a simple bundle of red silk. He stepped closer to hand me the bundle but suddenly, palm facing up, Sesshomaru's hand stopped. In quick sucession, Sesshomaru's ear lifted slightly as if listening intently, his nostrils flared, and his eyes shrunk to mere slits. A strange look passed across his eyes before his posture became more rigid than seemed possible. Fearing oncoming danger, I looked around frantically for what was coming. Seeing nothing, I turned back to Sesshomaru.

"What is it? What's out there?" Sesshomaru did not speak; he did not move. His focus was at my hips. I looked down quickly to see what might have him so tense. There was nothing. I tried to question him again but before I could speak, I was stopped by the shiver of fear that twisted up my spine. With his eyes burning into mine, Sesshomaru finally spoke.

"You have two heartbeats."

I toyed with the idea of letting the teapot break, but I simply could not allow it to happen. It was too beautiful a gift and if it were broken, it would render part of Sesshomaru's _next _gift useless ;) And PLEASE take heart, this IS a SessXKag story and I will try and get the romance going ASAP. Soldier on through the back story and you will be rewarded :D Also, I really, REALLY like to get reviews :D I will try and have a new chapter out as soon as my busy schedule allows (hopefully in a few days…..)


	7. Distance

A/N: Thank you to all of you who reviewed :D Words cannot express how much I appreciated it!

Songs: The Greatest By: Cat Power  
>Suggestions By: Orelia Has Orchestra<p>

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~

Distance

"_What?_" Sesshomaru's scowl deepened.

"You heard this Sesshomaru, Miko."

"Well, yes, I heard you but…" Were Sesshomaru not so noble I imagine, by the look on his face, he would have issued a rather dramatic sigh.

"Do you not know?" By this point I was getting frustrated. He seemed upset at me for something but I didn't know how he expected me to make things right if I didn't know why he was so upset.

"I am sure I do not, Sesshomaru-_sama_." I stretched the honorific out in anger. With one step forward, Sesshomaru's pointed claw rested mere inches above my belly-button.

"You carry a child."

"Merry Christmas!" I stared at him. I could barely contain my excitement but InuYasha didn't seem to feel the same. "…Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" I felt my heart tighten slightly. This was not how this was supposed to go. What was supposed to happen was, I would give InuYasha the news of my pregnancy, he would be speechless and his eyes would well up. He would leap across the floor and pull me into a tight embrace while taking the reality of it all in. That we were going to be parents; we were going to have our own little family. _That_ was what was supposed to happen. Instead, InuYasha just stared at me.

"Well, I _want_ you to be happy, for one."

"Keh! Who says I ain't!"

"You certainly don't look _or_ sound very happy…."

"Well, I am."

"Then why aren't you acting like it!" A hysteria was seeping into my voice and I couldn't stop it. InuYasha sighed.

"Listen, I _am_ happy. It's just, kids are a lot of work. Another mouth to feed, another life to protect…and we already have Shippo and Sesshomaru's brat to watch." The part of me that was still furious at InuYasha for ruining what should have been a beautiful moment wanted to scream at him that he was never around long enough to _have_ to worry about taking care of the Shippo and Rin. Sure he worked but even if he did not, the villagers would _never_ let us go hungry. They'd said as much as payment and gratitude for defeating Naraku. But the other part of me, the one that loved my husband and mate understood that this was big news to take in and it was only natural to worry about not being able to care for this new life we had created. So, acknowledging that my pride was not what was important in this whole thing, I relented.

"I know it will be hard InuYasha. But we both know that you will be a wonderful father and provider. You will be there for our child and be the parent you never had. This baby _will_ love you no matter what." I watched emotions flicker across InuYasha's face. He'd never been good at hiding his emotions and I could tell that he was considering what I'd just said. I could even tell the moment he came to a decision when I saw his shoulders slump and his eyebrows relax.

"Keh…" He half-smiled. I was overjoyed! Our first child

"Oh, InuYasha, I simply cannot believe it! Since I first fell in love with you, this has been my dream!" I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, crashing my lips upon his.

I woke, cold, half naked, and alone at what I figured was about noon. He'd left. Again. He was never there when I woke. Not even after we'd had sex. He was up and gone before I was even aware. Trying not to let it affect me, as I had daily duties to attend to, I got up and ran beautiful new brush through my hair. I grabbed my kimono, having traded the miko hakama for something a little more feminine, and dressed woodenly.

"Congratulations Lady Kagome!" Rin smiled beatifically up at me from her spot in front of the fire. She'd grown to love cooking; it was, doubtless, another exciting way for her to use all the different herbs and spices she was learning about. While my mood was a little on the sour side despite my good news, I returned Rin's smile.

"Thank you very much, Rin. Is there anything you need help with for dinner?" Rin's face turned serious in an all too comical way.

"Oh no, Lady Kagome, you're going to need all the rest you can get with a baby growing inside you!"

"Yah Kagome!" Shippo piped in. It seemed though, that after he realized what he'd agreed with that he was confused. With wide, innocent eyes Shippo stare up at me and asked,

"There's a baby _inside _you…but how did it get there? Why is it so small right now?"My stomach lurched and it had _nothing_ to do with morning sickness.

"Yah, I always wondered that too but Sesshomaru-sama always said that I would find out when I was older." My heart sunk even further. Now I had _two_ children to explain the birds and the bees to. Rubbing a hand across my face and wishing InuYasha were here to help me tackle this situation I accepted the inevitable.

"Shippo…Rin….When a man and a woman love each other very much…"

Emotionally exhausted from answering a million and one questions to two insatiably curious youngsters on where babies came from, I decided to leave the rest of the cleaning for the next morning. And, besides being tired, InuYasha had returned for dinner and was now walking back to our room to sleep. I did not want to miss any quiet time I might have with my husband. He was gone so often and I so rarely got to speak with him without the cares of the day hanging over my head. I followed him into our room and donned a sleeping yukata before crawling on to the futon next to him. He was faced away from me but I figured he might still be awake. I clung to his back like a small child and let myself drown in his earthy scent.

"I'm sorry we fought. I think the baby is already having an effect on my emotions. Wow…a baby. I can't believe we're going to be parents! InuYasha didn't answer but I imagined he was smiling as well. Who wouldn't be giddy with joy? "InuYasha….? I know the way everything happened wasn't what I wanted but after everything, I'm so glad it's all ending up falling into place for us. I love you _so_ much and I'm so happy to be able to share the rest of my life with you and our children." InuYasha didn't respond but I could hear from his breathing that he was asleep already. Poor thing, he worked so hard.

It was the night of the new moon and I was more than anxious. Sesshomaru's visits had become habit for me to expect. He had not left in the best of moods last time, though, and I was unsure how he would react upon seeing me again. For Rin's sake, I hoped he would be civil. The strange thing was, I had no idea why he had reacted so strangely or with the definite anger he had. I hadn't really had time to think on his reaction over the past month. I'd been so busy with the news and with preparing for the new addition that I had time for little else. And trying to figure out the emotional intricacies of a centuries old Daiyoukai was something that required a little more than just a passing thought. But now, with InuYasha transformed and safely hidden within our hut and me alone by the well and waiting for Sesshomaru, I had plenty of free time to ponder.

No matter how long I thought about it, I couldn't really come up with a concrete answer as to Sesshomaru's anger. The only thing that even seemed plausible was that as much as he despised hanyou, he would definitely lament the addition of a quarter youkai to the world. I glanced up at the sky. By my calculation, it was far past the time Sesshomaru normally made an appearance. A cold chill had long ago seeped past my clothing and I found myself wishing I had worn the fur lined kimono to meet Sesshomaru again. It was the warmest thing I owned.

At what I assumed to be very early morning, I gave up. He wasn't coming. My heart ached for Rin. As much as she missed Sesshomaru, his monthly gifts were treasures to her. He had left me with the burden of telling her that he had not come for her. For Sesshomaru's sake, he had better have been in a battle for his life to ignore Rin. If not, I would find a way to make him pay. _No one_ hurt my Rin.

Another month passed in a flurry of preparation and excitement. And another new moon passed with no visit from Sesshomaru. Were it _anyone_ else, I would have been worried for him. But this was _Sesshomaru_. Nothing could hurt him. He would probably even be able to fight away the grim reaper and live for as long as _he_ wanted to. So, since it was Sesshomaru, I was furious. How dare he do this to Rin? She loved him and he obviously didn't care about her as much as I thought he did. The next month I didn't even try to wait for him. He wasn't coming. My heart burned and tightened. How could he not come? How could he? I even let a tear fall that I assured myself was simply for Rin's loss and nothing else.

It was the new moon again and InuYasha was far more taciturn than normal. I probably would have been able to handle it but under the circumstances any added stress made me extremely irritable. I had not been well lately. I was constantly sick and my back always hurt. I was four months pregnant, but you could barely tell. A sharp pain lanced up my spine as InuYasha faced me, face scrunched in frustration,

"No! I don't wanna be cooped up here like some coward!"

"You know you will be vulnerable tonight! Why tempt fate?" My voice was raised over the noise just outside. A young couple in the village was married today and a feast had been thrown in celebration. The celebration was exceedingly loud due to the fact that the village headman's daughter was the bride.

"Keh. I ain't gonna be broken or anything. You seem to get along just fine as a human and you've had far less experience and half as much skill as I do, I'll be fine."

"Hey!"

"Oh, don't act all injured, you know it's true." Whether it was the hormones, or righteous anger, I didn't know but what happened next was not even something that _I _had anticipated.

"Fine. Think you can handle yourself so well? Then I'm not gonna worry about you. I want you out until you transform back tomorrow! Leave!" An almost injured look passed his eyes before InuYasha shook his head and stormed out. The nerve! How dare he insinuate I was constantly vulnerable. I mean I was but…he'd made me sound so…inferior. And I was _tired_ of feeling inferior. Not a few weeks before I had come to realize that what InuYasha and I had was not normal. I could tell his feelings weren't as deep as mine and that his constant absences for "work" were not something he lamented. It hurt. _Immensely_. But there was no denying it. Watching every other married couple in the village confirmed that while every marriage wasn't movie perfect, _none_ of them were as unsettling as ours. But, we were mates. Tied together forever. And _I _loved him. Despite the insults and pain, he was still my hero, my husband. And I would soldier on because this baby deserved _two_ parents who loved it, as did Shippo and Rin. I wiped a tray tear away. I was so confused and upset I wasn't sure what or who I was crying for specifically. I just knew I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

About an hour after I'd sent InuYasha away, I'd begun to worry. I felt his youki extinguish and it had been _very_ faint. This suggested he'd gotten a fair distance away from the village before his transformation. A distance enough to prevent him from being able to get back to the village before the sun rose the next day if need be. I squeezed my eyes shut again and felt another few tears fall. While I'd sent him away, I didn't actually mean for him to leave the village. I missed him already. Suddenly a pain, sharper and more insistent than any of the previous ones shot through me. I grabbed my stomach in agony. Another pain followed not a minute later and knocked me to my knees. A panic completely unrelated to what I had been feeling earlier had me gasping. Something was wrong, I could feel it. I managed to push myself onto my hands and knees in an attempt to stand. But, as I slid my foot forward to try and get up, I lost my purchase as my foot slipped from underneath me. My front slammed on to the wood floor and I cried out. Opening my eyes I tried to see what my foot had slipped on and screamed. Blood drenched the lower half of my kimono and pooled around me. My stomach rolled and I vomited. My dizzy mind tried to understand what was going on, what I should do. All I could think was to cry out for help. However, with the wedding celebration still going strong no doubt the half of the villagers that weren't drunk couldn't hear my soft cries over the celebration. I swayed dangerously and fell back to the floor. I'd lost so much blood. Nothing was making sense, everything was wrong. My vision started to tunnel just as a flurry of white flew through the door.

My whole body felt like lead. Lead that had been dropped into deep water. I tried to lift my arm to shield my eyes from the sunlight pulsing against my eyelids but failed. A frustrated, pained groaned left me. I heard a gasp in the corner.

"Go get Kaede, quick!"

"Rin?" I breathed. A soft hand touched my forehead

"I'm here, Lady Kagome."

"Rin, what's going on?"

"Sesshomaru told me to not leave your side until you woke. To do everything I could for you. He said you're going to need a lot of extra support now that…." Rin hesitated and I found it odd that the girl who never had any problem telling it how it was, was holding something back.

"Now that what Rin?" I croaked. Just then, Kaede bust through the doorway.

"Kagome! Child!" Her movements were hurried but gentle as she checked me over. I had not forgotten what Rin said and something about her tone and her unwillingness to continue disturbed something deep inside me. So I pressed again,

"Now _what_ Rin?" Kaede looked to Rin. Rin sighed and shook her head at Kaede whose movements immediately stilled. Rin's gentle hand went to my shoulder.

"Lady Kagome…you…you lost the baby."

A/N: YES, I _know_ Christmas was not celebrated in Japan 500 years ago and YES, I know it's a mainly American holiday but that doesn't mean that in this day and age a few foreigners haven't picked the fun tradition of a Christmas day gift exchange up. Sorry about the lack of Sesshomaru in this chapter, he WILL be in the next few chapters and in about two or three chapters from now, he will be involved in the story in a BIG way. So, PLEASE, be patient with me and the progression of the story! Also, I realize the two heartbeats thing was kind of confusing. It's just, a baby's heart start beating early in the first trimester so someone with very keen hearing, like Sesshomaru, would be able to hear the heartbeat before Kagome even had a clue she was pregnant. Thanks for reading and PLEASE review :D


	8. Pain and Promises

"Hymns" to accompany this chapter:  
>Breath Me – By: Sia<br>Heavy In Your Arms – By: Florence and the Machines

Be warned, it's angsty to the max! 

He knew. He _must_. He'd been away for _days_ before but never this long. It had been a month since I lost our baby and InuYasha still had not returned, even though tonight was the night of the new moon. However, I barely noticed. I spent almost all of my time sitting at the foot of the God Tree. It was where I chose to lay my child to rest. Words could not describe how difficult the days immediately following my miscarriage were. No matter how many times Kaede or Rin explained the situation to me, it made no sense. How could I lose my child? I was healthy enough, strong enough. How, then, could I have lost my child. Kaede said my body may have rejected it due to stress; that my body felt too overwhelmed to care for itself _and_ nourish a growing being so it made a choice. But it didn't make any sense. Not to me. Although _I _would have chosen for my child to live in my stead, my body had aborted the child and I could not help but feel entirely responsible.

The bundle of tissue that had fallen out of me was so small but I still chose to wrap it and mark it's grave. It was still my child. It was what once was a living, growing being and deserved a proper burial. So, under the God Tree I sat and waited for my tears to dry while I laid next to the tiny sprouts of green beginning to climb from the recently disturbed dirt. I was too tired to even care that I hadn't eaten, bathed, or slept properly since…my loss. And InuYasha was nowhere to be found. I would have been angrier with him if I had not felt so responsible. I wished he were there with me to hold and support me but _I_ was the one who lost the. I couldn't entirely blame him for not wanting to be near me.

I felt the chill in the air grow stronger signifying the descent of the sun, rather than noticing the lack of light. My eyes were so swollen I could barely see anything. In an effort to ward off the sudden chill I moved to curl tighter into myself but was stopped by a sudden warm sensation and slight weight settling over my body. Rather than spare the effort required to look, I sent my aura out to investigate and my heart immediately felt the first spark of anything other than misery in a month.

"Miko, you are still not well. You will catch your death if you continue on any longer like this."

"It…doesn't matter." My voice sounded foreign to me.

"Enough, Miko. While grieving over a loss such as yours is not dishonorable, your method of doing so is." A fire I had never felt before tore through my vein with savage speed as I sat up.

"How dare you! I have lost everything! _Everything_. And you stand there and act like I'm some petulant child throwing a tantrum. You have _no idea_ what I'm going through! _None!_" Sesshomaru dropped to his knees next to me; his eyes boring into mine.

"Iknow loss! I know pain! The likes of which you cannot imagine! I-," But he stopped short, seeming to consider something. I saw the inferno that had so briefly burned in his eyes vanish, "I'm sorry for your loss." And with that statement everything came tumbling down. I didn't care that it was probably highly inappropriate. I didn't care that he might kill me for even thinking to lay my hands upon his person. I didn't even care that he might push me away. In that moment, I needed someone to cling to more than I ever had before. And so I did. With my arms around his waist and my face buried in his chest I sobbed and held him with a strength born of desperation; a _need_ to hold him here at all costs. And he let me. But before I knew it he was moving and I was so afraid that he would push me away that I wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn't care how child like I seemed. I couldn't lose the only tether I currently had to sanity. My fears were abated when he simply readjusted us by leaning against the God Tree and curling his legs and arms around my body in a protective cage.

A sudden movement jolted me awake. The ground was shifting under me and I was ever so slowly leaning closer to the ground. My eyes, still swollen, opened partially to see Sesshomaru lowering my body to the ground as he extracted his limbs from mine. Normally I would have had the decency to blush at the idea that Sesshomaru, my mate's hated half brother, had held me through the night in his embrace but my mind didn't want to focus on anything other than the tiny grave in front of my face. Just as Sesshomaru was standing tall again I heard a loud shout from behind me.

"What are you doing here?" My heart twisted painfully. InuYasha was home. My first feeling was gratitude towards Sesshomaru for helping me avoid InuYasha misinterpreting our previous position by moving me. Shortly after, though, I felt absolute dread. I would have to explain to him how I had lost our child. He would want answers and I would be forced to give them. 

"Seeing to what hasn't been seen to." 

"Enough of that cryptic bull. Leave." Inuyasha turned and stormed his way back towards the hut while calling behind him, "Get up, Kagome. We're going back to the hut." On auto pilot I moved to stand. However, when I tried to stand I crumpled in on myself and heard a loud snap. Mostly out of shock at my legs, which I belatedly realized where very much still asleep, not working I cried out. InuYasha heard and turned to look back only to snort an unaffected grunt that sounded suspiciously like "clumsy fool" and continue on his way to the village. Long fingers reached down to my level. Hurt, in more ways than one, I easily accepted Sesshomaru's offer. When I was almost to my feet, Sesshomaru had the foresight to steady me with a hand behind my back before my legs fell from beneath me again. Blood rushed into my legs and a sudden blinding pain shot from my ankle up my leg. Immediately I understood the crack I'd heard earlier. I'd broken my ankle. Out of instinct, I looked up to the closest being to me for help and saw something in his eyes that momentarily distracted me from my pain. There was no guessing at the emotion lain plain on his face. Concern and anger. Two very different emotions easily seen on a usually very private man. When he noticed my gaze his eyes softened. Cool, elegant fingers brushed my hair behind my ear and a shot of electricity ran entirely unbidden from where he touched behind my ear to my tips of my toes. Sesshomaru quickly knelt down beside me with his hand on the bottom of my hakama.

"May I?" That he would care about my concerns for modesty shocked me but not enough to stop me from quickly agreeing that he could inspect my throbbing limb. InuYasha, who must have turned around to see what was taking so long, shouted.

"Hey! What do you think you two are doing!? Get the hell away from each other!" InuYasha sprinted back towards us and grabbed my wrist to haul me up. I cried out when InuYasha jerked me forward. InuYasha, obviously exasperated, picked me up none too gently and threw me over his shoulder. My lower stomach, still sore from contracting back to it's normal size and my ankle, which I knew must be broken, protested the treatment, but I did my best to keep my sobs quiet. I knew InuYasha was hurting inside. And as much as I didn't like it and as much pain as I was in, this was his way of dealing with it. As his wife and mate, I still had to support him.

As I tried my hardest to control my crying, I distracted myself by looking back towards Sesshomaru. He looked furious. He looked like he was ready to attack and a slow snarl passed across his bared teeth. He seemed so very close to doing…_something_ but it was almost as if there was a force, a very real one, holding him back.

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. "What was _he_ doing here?!" There was no pretense, no explanation, no concern; just anger. InuYasha stared at me where he dropped me on the floor of our hut. I couldn't sense Shippo or Rin nearby and for that I was grateful.

"I-I don't know." I sucked in a pained breath. "Please, get Kaede!"

"Don't lie to me, wench! You were whoring yourself out to him while I was gone!"

"No! I-"

"I can smell him all over you! Don't lie to me!" Another bout of sobs wracked me as I shook my head furiously in an attempt to make InuYasha believe me. I didn't know where all this suspicion came from; it had _no_ base in fact whatsoever. Sesshomaru, with the small exception of Rin, hated humans. He would _never_ touch one intimately. _Especially_ not me. Not only was I a human Miko, the sworn enemy of Youkai, but I was InuYasha's mate! He'd cut off his other arm before even considering sleeping with me. Not to mention that InuYasha was calling _my _integrity into question. But, it didn't matter. I was in far too much pain to put logical voice to any of my thoughts.

"_Please_, InuYasha! I need Kaede." I did not expect the sharp sting across my left cheek.

"Don't change the subject!" The tips of InuYasha's claw were tipped with red where they had sliced across my skin. "How long has this been going on? Since he brought his brat here? Is that how he's been paying you? You're pathetic! I can't even stand to look at you." I cried out as I watched him leave the hut. I don't really know why. It could have been the physical pain, or the emotional pain, or the fear that InuYasha would leave me again, or even a plea for InuYasha to come back so I could explain to him what had happened. But, seconds later I heard InuYasha's voice nearby, "Don't bother, she's not worth it," before Kaede, followed by a worried Rin and a frantic Shippo, pushed through the reed door.

"Lady Kagome!"

"Child!"

"Mom!"

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_My head was spinning and my body felt leaden. A figure stood in the corner, staring at me. I stared back, unsure how to react. He had seen what should not have been seen. I was ashamed and I was scared so I chose to wait for him to act first. But, he made no move towards me. He simply continued to study me. I watched as his eyes fell on my ankle, bandaged and elevated. His gaze did not linger long before traveling to my stomach. His eyes spent more time there as a confusing amount of emotion either slipped past his control or was purposely unveiled. His final expression while staring at my stomach was pensive and lasted the longest. Eventually, his eyes moved to the four claw marks across my left cheek. There was only one emotion present then; fury. After what seemed an eternity, his face softened slightly. The fury was replaced by what seemed a strange curiosity. As he moved to take a step forward I jumped slightly and my ankle protested the sudden movement. Upon seeing my reaction, he halted his forward motion and searched for my gaze. His eyes seemed to beg trust and promise safety. With a twinge of apprehension I lowered my eyes and nodded once; a hesitant invitation to resume whatever he'd planned to do. Slowly, he reached into the sleeve of his haori and pulled out a small bag that I couldn't quite distinguish in the poor light. He shook the contents of the bag into his open palm. Small, dimpled ovals fell into sight. He met my eyes again._

"_They are seeds from Rin's favorite flower. I am unsure if they will grow here, as I have only seen them blooming in a single valley on the edge of my lands, but should they grow they will make her happy." I smiled, still unable, or unwilling, to break my silence. She would love them. He placed the seeds back in to small pouch and pull the drawstring tight before meeting my eyes again._

"_And now, my gift to you."_

_He knelt, slowly, next to me. A claw tipped hand reached under my chin and cupped the right side of my face. Frozen in shock, I allowed it. Warm breath across my injured cheek caused a small shiver._

"_It will not be an immediate fix, but nearly."_

"_Wha-" As much as I wanted to jump, to pull away, I couldn't seem to move. My shock was too great. He curled his warm tongue across the slashes on my cheek. A tingle followed each stroke that I secretly knew was only partially due to whatever healing my injury was undergoing. Goosebumps that had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature of the room erupted across my skin. It was an odd sensation as there was no part of me that wasn't feeling inappropriately warm at his touch. The ministrations stopped far too soon and he pulled back. I heard the slight increase in his breathing even without his mouth dangerously close to my ear._

"_I know now, Miko, that the promises we make to ourselves are the easiest to break."_

A rough cough jolted me awake. When my eyes shot open there was a figure, a different one than before, sitting in the same corner as Sesshomaru had been in my dream. He, too, was staring at me. Though, his expression was different and not nearly as easy to decipher. I had no idea what to say. Part of me felt like apologizing, another part felt like screaming in anger, and yet another felt like simply turning over and ignoring him. The decision was made for me, though, as InuYasha spoke,

"I'm sorry…I-I'm not sure…I mean- ah hell," InuYasha rubbed his face in frustration, "this is hard for me too!" I answered automatically,

"You hurt me."

"Yah, I know, Kaede told me about your ankle. Why didn't you tell me you hurt it _when_ you hurt it?!"

"I tried. You wouldn't listen to me. You just kept accusing me of something so ludicrous and impossible that I don't even know where you got the idea! And that's not even the hurt I was talking about! You left me! You left me when I needed you and-"

"Sorry! I was upset-"

"That doesn't make what you did ok! How could you leave me!? I blame myself for what happened but that doesn't mean you can leave! I needed your support! Why-" I felt InuYasha's arms shoot around me and knock the wind from me. It shocked me into silence. When InuYasha finally pulled away, I saw a red tinge in his eyes and two moist tracks on his cheeks. My shock must have been evident on my face because InuYasha cast his eyes down and away from mine. My heart ached for him. I was still very hurt at what he'd done but I understood what he was going through. He'd just lost a child as well. That child may not have been growing inside him, nor did I believe he held himself responsible, as I did, but he still lost the child regardless. I reached out to cup his face and he turned away, quickly standing to avoid my reach. One short sniff and,

"I'm sorry, ok? We need to get to work. The day is half over already." The speed with which the atmosphere in the room changed was hard to process. But, as I gathered my thoughts, I tried desperately to remember all the good times, all the happy memories. It would be a long time before I could fully forgive InuYasha, who had already left the room, but we were mates and we needed each other right now. I could be angry later; right now I needed to be strong for both of us. I stood as well as I could with a broken ankle and a shoddy crutch. Knowing that rolling up and putting the futon away in my injured state would be rather difficult and time consuming, and considering by the looks of the sun's height in the sky I would be needing it again soon, I settled for simply straightening it. As I bent to move the pillow back onto the futon a small sparkle of azure caught my attention. Underneath my pillow was a silk drawstring bag. Curious, I opened it. Inside were the seeds from my dream. Immediately panicked, my hand shot to my face. Where long welts had marred my face yesterday there was nearly smooth skin.

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A/N: A.) I am not particularly happy with this chapter. In fact it's my least favorite of this story. I couldn't seem to get things to flow right. Sorry it is seems choppy, awkward, and unrealiastic.

B.) Before ANYONE says ANYTHING about how Kagome SHOULD have found it strange that Sesshomaru was practically cuddling with her let me make two things very clear. 1. I have been so upset before that I've accepted comfort and hugs from a person I swore I would never even speak to again. And 2. Sesshomaru may seem too fluffy and ooc but when you care about someone and they are upset you will do many things that feel strange or out of character for you just to make them happy (or because you're so shocked by their outburst you run on instinct). Also, If Kagome seems far too submissive and strange about letting InuYasha hurt her, consider this: She lost her family, she can never go back to her era again, she lost Miroku and Sango (her best friend!), she just lost her child, etc. InuYasha is the only thing she still in her life, PLUS she's been in love with him for years. Someone in that kind of mental/emotional downward spiral will probably let a lot of things happen to them as long as there can keep the one thing that is keeping them sane (In Kagome's case it's InuYasha).

C.) Poor, poor Kagome can't seem to catch a break. Bad marriage, miscarriage, broken ankle. But, don't worry. Within a couple chapters you will be envying her.

D.) I had a college roommate who broke her foot because she got out of bed when her foot was asleep. It can and does happen.

E.) I'm hoping to finish this story up soon so that I can focus on finishing "Stolen" (for those of you on ). It has been neglected far too long and gathered much figurative dust in the computer folder the rest of the story is stored in….Thanks for reading and **PLEASE review**; I **LOVE** reviews :D


	9. Anger and Accusations

Hymns: Terrible Love by: Birdy  
>Fresh Pair of Eyes by: Brooke Wagoner<p>

~Hymns of a Lost Soul~  
>Anger and Accusations<p>

The seeds in the small bag resting in my hand shook violently at my sudden realization. I had not had a dream of Sesshomaru. He had _actually_ been here! It was becoming hard to breathe as my heart beat faster and faster. I subconsciously pushed away the memory of Sesshomaru's warm tongue sliding across my cheek to worry about a more pressing matter. How had Inuyasha _not_ smelled Sesshomaru's scent? Other than Naraku, Sesshomaru was the only being whose smell Inuyasha knew better than his own. Sesshomaru's scent had to be everywhere! The floor, the futon, _my skin_! I frantically grabbed the futon and sheets and, before I could think what else to do with them, I opened the shutter that kept the cold from coming into the window and threw everything onto the grass outside. If nothing else, that would give _his_ scent less time to seep into the porous wood of the room. My ankle throbbed angrily. I tried to ignore it but the pain was too intense. I couldn't do this alone. Nervous tears began to pool behind tears of pain in my swollen eyes. In a panic, I cried out, and hoped I would be heard.

"Rin!" When I heard no immediate response I tried again, "Rin, _please_!" I gasped in another panicked breath, just about to try once more, when I heard footsteps.

"What the hell are ya yellin' for!? Rin ain't here, she went to get you something from Kae-" Remarkably fast for him, InuYasha noticed the absence of a futon and the remnants of a sheet hanging out our open window. "Where's the damn futon!? Is it outside with our sheets? Why would you throw our futon out the window you idiot!? What is _wrong_ with you-"

"Child! What is going on here?" Kaede stood, with a frightened Rin, staring at what must look a very troubling scene in front of her. The poultices and bandages dropped from her hands as she turned to glare at InuYasha,

"I warned ye InuYasha!" Kaede put her palms together and began to chant. I cried out the moment InuYasha did.

"Wait! Stop, it's not what it looks like!" Kaede didn't stop chanting as InuYasha fell to the ground. "Kaede, _please_!" Kaede's chant trailed off. She raised a skeptical brow towards me that could only mean I had better explain. Fast.

"I…I," I didn't know what to say. How could I explain, truthfully, with InuYasha in the room? "Uhm, I, well, I wanted to wash…wash uhm, the futon and the bedclothes. Because…because they were starting to smell dirty and-" InuYasha, who lay panting on the ground spoke up.

"You _just_ washed them. You had to of! The smell of Hafrin root is so strong I can't smell anything right within looking distance of the hut!" My brain sputtered helplessly. This incredibly delicate situation was becoming more confusing and difficult to explain by the second. Kaede sucked in a breath behind InuYasha.

"InuYasha, ye should leave for now. Ye have done enough damage."

"You're crazy you old bat. I haven't done anything. She's just goin' crazy. Throwin' things outta windows and screaming like a maniac. Besides, her face isn't nearly as bad as you said! Look, it's almost healed, just a scratch!"

"InuYasha, _leave_." I was starting to fear for Kaede when InuYasha started growling but he soon turned and breathed a short "Keh." Before exiting the hut. Kaede looked to where Rin was standing,

"Rin, child, please go gather the futon and rinse it in the stream. When ye are done, hang it near the drying fires. When you have finished, go to my hut and fill an empty jar with Hafrin root and bring it to me here. Hurry, child!" Rin nodded and ran to do as instructed. Kaede then turned frantic eyes to my confused face.

"How much does he know?"

"How much does who know?"

"InuYasha, child. How much does he know?"

"About_ what_ Kaede?"

"Sesshomaru was here last night, was he not?" My stomach dropped. How did she know? If it was that obvious to her, how did InuYasha not know yet?

"I…I…he-"

"Aye, I suspected as much. How long has this been going on?"

"Kaede, you're not making any sense. How long has what been going on? And how do you…how do you know…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. I was unsure how much she knew but simply the fact that she knew was shameful enough.

"When Rin was first brought here, she missed Sesshomaru terribly. I could tell simply by the way she moved, she felt as thought she'd lost a piece of herself. Then she started to change. I thought maybe it was Shippo's companionship, your love, or her lessons with me but I realized her mood started to change when she started acquiring all those strange new items. She would not tell me where she had gotten them but I knew she was not one to steal so I let her have her secrets. I had my suspicions but I didn't dwell on it. Then, when ye…lost your child….he was the first one there. He was the one that found ye and came to me for help. He stayed with ye until he felt InuYasha returning. I found it strange how reluctant he was to leave ye. Stranger still that he had stayed in the first place. When he told Rin to watch over ye I knew something had to be going on. His absence while you were suffering made me question my suspicions, though…" I didn't understand where Kaede was going with this and I was anxious to cleanse my skin and clothes before InuYasha returned. I opened my mouth to question her but she spoke over me in a frantic rush of words. "And then, last night, I couldn't sleep for the aching in my joints. I went out to the forest to stretch them when I saw him. He was kneeling at the base of the Hafrin tree. I thought, maybe he was here to check on Rin and left him alone. But, this morning, when I was gathering herbs for your pain with Rin I noticed a chunk of Hafrin root had been removed from the very spot I saw Sesshomaru kneeling. That was when I heard you screaming. I was so shocked by the scene that I did not notice the smell until InuYasha mentioned it." Kaede looked at me expectantly.

"I still don't understand. What does any of this have to do with anything?" Kaede sighed and knelt down, slowly, next to me and with a lowered voice she continued,

"Do ye know what Hafrin root does, child?" I searched my brain for the information I had gathered when I had studied under Kaede.

"It has….uhm, disinfectant properties and can be dried and powdered to be put into soaps… But, I don't understand what-"

"Do ye know _why _it is put into soaps? It has a very strong odor. Strong enough for humans to enjoy from a distance. A scent that strong can mess with a half demon's nose. Their noses are more powerful than humans so they can pick up the strong scent more easily but their noses are not strong enough to filter the overpowering scent out from other scents. _It covers up all other scents_." Sudden realization hit me. Sesshomaru had spread Hafrin root so InuYasha would be unable to tell he had been here. Sesshomaru had protected me from InuYasha's wrath after healing me by making his scent unnoticeable among the stronger odor of Hafrin root. My head spun. "Child, I must know, was it his pup you lost? Was that why InuYasha was so upset?"

"NO! What are you suggesting!? That child was InuYasha's!" Kaede eyes widened and she held her hands to my face.

"Lower your voice child. InuYasha may still be near!"

"What on earth would make you think the child was Sesshomaru's!?"

"Child, do ye not notice? I assumed that….well, isn't it obvious?" I made a frustrated noise and Kaede continued. "After the battle with Naraku, Sesshomaru stayed by your side for four days. He sent his men back to the West with one of his generals instead of taking them himself, he ignored his injuries, he _raised you from the dead._" A distant memory surfaced at Kaede's words:

"_If I died," my throat burned with the effort of talking, "why am I here?" Silently, Sesshomaru reached next to him and pulled Tensaiga into my field of vision. Realizing what he'd done my eyes started to water before I managed to squeak out a small, "Thank you." Sesshomaru then regarded me with the first smile, however small, that I had seen him wear._

"_It is over, and Naraku is gone. It was an honor fighting at your side, Miko." I heard my tear drop to the floor next to me. To keep myself from sobbing in the presence of Sesshomaru, I asked the first question that came to my mind,_

"_Where is Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru's smile instantly fell, his normal, if even slightly more threatening, scowl quickly replaced it. Without another word Sesshomaru stood and exited the hut. I was shocked. Not so much at his abrupt departure but at the fact that Sesshomaru still couldn't even stand the mention of his brother after all these years, after fighting with him in the battle against Naraku. I was not given much time to dwell on the fact before Kaede pushed through the door mat. Her face was alight with unrestrained joy._

"_Child, ye had this old woman worried."_

_After changing my bandages, checking my injuries and coaxing some luke-warm broth down my throat, Kaede turned to the door._

"_It seems, child, that ye have a visitor." The scowl on her face made me wonder who it could be. Moments later, Inuyasha pushed past the door mat._

"_It stinks like __him__ in here."_

"_It would. He spent the _last four days_ by her side." _

Still trying to put all the pieces together I let Kaede continue, "With the care he afforded you, I was under the impression you two must have been secretly courting and were simply waiting until after the battle to reveal it."

I sputtered, "How could you think that!? I love InuYasha."

"Child, you did not see how he treated you. I did not know the Western Lord was capable of tenderness until you fell. He made sure you were always kept warm and fresh food and water was always waiting by your side should you awaken. He even made sure to clean all the blood from your body so your wounds could be clean when they were bandaged…" my heart tightened. I knew, now, where InuYasha's suspicions had come from. But InuYasha should know that Sesshomaru's honor would not allow him to leave fallen comrades, fallen pack…

The next few weeks were indescribably difficult. I could feel the pieces of my life starting to fall in ever growing chunks around me. Despite my depression over the loss of my child, I was constantly worried that Sesshomaru would show up again and InuYasha would be able to pick up his scent this time. This worry was only slightly soothed by realizing that if InuYasha had not detected Sesshomaru's scent on any of the other gifts so far, Sesshomaru must be adept at hiding his scent. InuYasha's mood was becoming ever more unpredictable as well. He was not sleeping nor did I believe he was eating. It seemed I knew less about my husband every day. I couldn't concentrate and it was showing in the neglect of my everyday tasks. The worst part of everything was Kaede's constant insistence that there was something more between Sesshomaru and me than I was telling.

"And even if ye are as of yet unaware of it, there _is_ affection on his end."

"Kaede, please. I understand it must seem that way but _you_ must understand, he cannot care for me. Not only am I human but I mated his half-brother, whom he despises!"

Kaede frowned at me, "That means nothing when-"

"Keade! Please!" I sighed, immediately regretting my outburst. "I'm sorry. I just have too much on my mind right now to dwell on impossibilities. Sesshomaru is kind toward his human ward and protective of what he sees as his pack. Nothing more." Kaede shook her head but remained silent.

When I woke in the morning I felt incredibly uneasy. My whole body was filled with a strange doubt and anxious uncertainty. This confused me greatly. I knew I would not get any work done if I did not figure out what was causing my distress.

After breakfast was cleaned up and I sent the children out to play, I knelt down to meditate. I slowly combed through my thoughts in an effort to understand these feelings. I could not find anything other than my normal worries which, though troubling, where not equal to the extreme disquiet I had been feeling since I woke this morning. A thought struck me and I tentatively stretched out my aura to see if I was correct. Moments later I felt…_something_ at the edge of the forest. It was an odd sensation. What I felt did not appear to be alive but at the same time it was…worried. I pushed a pulse of ki into my aura to investigate. Instantly, I felt the ki snap back at me, breaking my trance. When I regained my focus, the strange feelings were gone, along with the presence.

"What the hell are you doing? I almost tripped over you! Whatr' you doin' sittin' in the middle of the floor?" I was having trouble reorganizing my thoughts and could not respond before InuYasha continued, "Keh, whatever. Here, I need this mended." InuYasha removed his fire rat haori and then the white undershirt, which had a strange rip in it.

"What happened? Are you ok?" InuYasha gave me a withering look. "How did you rip it?"

"I don't know, ok? Just fix it." With a sigh, I walked over to the wooden chest that held all the old clothes, the mending, and the needles.

"So, how are things going with Keiichi?"

"Fine." So stubborn. I tried again.

"Do you like working with him?"

"It's the only job I could get so I kind of have to like it. Some of the men still hate working with a hanyou but Keiichi shuts em' up quick. Reminds em' of what I did for them and this village." My heart was sore that there were still those who could not accept InuYasha after everything he'd done to protect them, after everything he'd sacrificed. "I don't care though. They're probably all just pissed Keiichi likes me best because I can work harder, faster, and longer than all of them put together." A small smile graced my lips at hearing hidden pride in that sentence. He was finally learning to love himself. "It's why he chose me as the leader for this big project he agreed to in the West. And as much as I don't want to set foot near my brother's land, it's double pay and I get to lead. Keiichi has to stay here to finalize the repairs on the headman's house before the rains."

"That's _wonderful_ InuYahsha!" My heart swelled. InuYasha was being recognized for more than just his birth and on top of that, this was the most positive conversation I'd gotten out of him in a while. He still seemed to be constantly suspicious and on edge. And, while I knew I would miss him dearly, I also knew this would be good for him. "When do you leave? How long will you be gone?"

"Keiichi said with the group I'm takin' it should only take three weeks once we get there. I'm bettin' I can get it down to two." My smile faltered and I felt a knot start to form in my stomach.

"InuYasha, you have to time this just right. Getting to the West plus labor time is almost a month. When are you leaving?"

"Soon as you hurry up and fix that rip, I'm leavin'"

"What!? When we you going to tell me!?"

"I'm tellin' yah right now ain't I?"

"Putting aside the fact that as your wife I should have been the _first_ to know and should have been told immediately, tonight is," I lowered my voice, "the new moon."

"Keiichi needs my strength there as soon as possible. Some rich slob in the West needs something built immediately and promised Keiichi triple if we could get there by then. We'll have to travel through the night but-"

"But, it's your-"

"I _know_ what night it is. The necklace Kaede gave me to disguise me as my demon form works well enough to fool the idiots I'm goin' with. And they won't need me to move anything until the next day when we arrive. Whoever commissioned this job wants it done immediately." InuYasha's tone was sharp and irritated.

"He can't wait 12 hours?"

"Kagome! I already told you I was goin' and what I say goes! I'll be back in no more than three weeks." I opened my mouth to argue again but InuYasha was already walking out of the hut with his newly mended shirt. I knew he'd made up his mind and nothing I could say would change it. A small fire started to burn in me. How dare he? We were partners in this marriage and made decisions together. We should be equals and he should _not_ speak to me like a child. I was only concerned for his safety! I was getting sick and tired of being treated like I was a burden. As his wife, I should be seen as a blessing. I should be loved and cared for. My thoughts and fears and feelings should be taken into consideration. I felt my fisted hands start to shake in anger. Maybe I wouldn't miss him all that much…

Evening was fast approaching and I felt an entirely foreign impatience slowly seeping into my skin, pushing against my muscles. It was more uncertain than my anger and far less tangible but persistent nonetheless. I tried meditating it away but just kept being reminded that my last argument with InuYasha started with my meditating. Then I tried cleaning to keep my mind off whatever was bothering me but that just seemed to make the impatience grow. Resigned to getting nothing productive done, I gathered my meager bathing supplies and headed down to the river.

I was half frozen by the time I returned to the hut. The water melting off the mountains chilled the river. It didn't help that, though unseasonably warm, the sun was hiding behind a heavy curtain of clouds. Though I was, at the very least, clean. That in itself was enough to relax away most of my own anger. I replaced my bathing supplies and started work on dinner.

The children were safely in their beds and dinner was cleaned up. The foreign impatience I had been feeling all day was now almost painful in it's insistence. Thinking some tea would help relax me, I went to the small cupboard that held our herbs. As I reached for some tea leaves I suddenly remembered the gift Sesshomaru had given me. I had stowed the box in the chest Rin had received from Sesshomaru. I figured if there were any residual scent left on the tea box, InuYasha would chalk it up to the chest itself, and not the contents since InuYasha knew that the chest had come from Sesshomaru. None of the teas were labeled. I was going to rely on smelling each one and seeing which had the best effect on my nerve when a splash of red caught my eye. It was the tea Sesshomaru had specifically pointed out as being his favorite. I sniffed it and found it was an incredibly sweet scent with an undertone of something earthy and warm. And while I didn't feel it immediately do anything to my nerves, I figured if it could calm Seeshomaru's beast, surely it could calm my human nerves.

A/N: Hopefully a new chapter up soon. We're entering the home stretch : ) PLEASE review, I beg of thee! Let me know how you're feeling about the story please! OH! And don't worry I do believe you will very much enjoy the next couple of chapters ;)


	10. Truth

A/N: Short but important chapter. Enjoy!

Hymn: Kingdom Come by: the Civil Wars

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~  
>Truth<p>

` I stared at the painted swirls curled about the bottom of my teapot while I waited for my tea to steep. This was one of very few occasions I had been able to use the ornate teapot Sesshomaru had gifted me without fear of InuYasha seeing. Foreign impatience pushed my body forward to check my tea. As I had never had this tea before, I was unsure what particular shade of brown I was waiting for the water to turn, signaling that it was ready. Figuring, though, that it had been long enough, I poured the steaming liquid into a cup and wrapped my hands, still slightly chilled from my earlier bath, around it. I brought the cup first to my chin to breathe in the warm, moist scent. Strangely, though I doubted any of the herbs or flowers used in the tea were specifically for relaxation, the scent soothed me. It smelled…warm and happy. Safe and calm. I shook my head, almost laughing at thinking a tea could _smell_ "happy", and sipped. The simple medley of tastes mirrored the teas scent well. I smiled.

` "Strange that you should choose that tea this night." I gasped. My cup dropped to the floor moments before a strong hand reached from behind me to cover my mouth.

` I sat across a fire, watching shadows and light dance across his face. I had almost put music to their waltz before either of us said anything. His eyes bore into mine when he finally spoke.

` "He is ashamed. He blames himself for the great loss our side suffered on our way to victory. He endeavors to regain his lost honor by fighting anything he can find after he leaves his post each evening. His longer absences take him far away to stronger and ever more dangerous prey. It is a game he plays to make himself feel strong. A game he can never _truly_ win. And when he finally fights himself into exhaustion he goes to her." Still too shocked by the situation, I let him continue. "I find it strange that though her grave was unmarked, he can still find her. But find her, he does and he begs her forgiveness. It seems he blames you in a way similar to the way he blames himself but you are his only connection to what he had. His only connection to them. To _her_. I watch his struggle as he fights with whether to hold on to his only remaining remnant of her or to hate the you who reminds him of her final death, his failures. He is in constant conflict with himself and he is ever more quickly losing the battle for his sanity. I fear he may one day succumb to the darkness that has taken seed in his heart, his hatred of you. I have been following him, watching him. But hiding in the shadows whenever I can find time to be away from my lands presents too many opportunities for tragedy. He has already shown how easily he can _slip_," Sesshomaru was instantly next to me; his long tapered claw caressed the healing gashes on my cheek, "I cannot stand idly by, waiting for him to _fall_." I could not seem to break my stupor and was only able to mumble a few barely coherent syllables,

` "I don't understand. Why-"

` "You deserve to know before you make your choice."

` "Choice?" I shook my head, "what's going on? And why-" The look in his eyes stopped me. They were soft. There was no malice. No hatred. No anger. No pride. His eyes were filled with emotions I thought him truly incapable of. Pain, shame, and humility.

` "He does not deserve you."

A/N: I know many of you thought he was going to see Kikyo (even though I guess if you want to be technical, he was). I purposely didn't say whether she survived the battle but now you know that she did not. Also, sorry about the random punctuation marks. For some reason, my formatting gets all kinds of thrown off when I move my document from Word to the site unless I fill the space with _something_. This is just a little information that didn't quite fit in the previous chapter or the next chapter. I am, as you read this, working on the next chapter and will hopefully have it posted no more than an hour after this one : ) I love reviews by the way…


	11. Come Away Little Lamb

Hymn:  
>Come Away to the Water featuring Rozzi Crane By: Maroon 5 (I know what you're thinking but this is NOT your typical Maroon 5 song…its dark and seductive and primal….)<p>

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~

_Previously:  
>. "What do you mean choice? What's going on? And why-" The look in his eyes stopped me. They were soft. There was no malice. No hatred. No anger. No pride. His eyes were filled with emotions I thought him truly incapable of. Pain, shame, and humility.<em>

_. "He does not deserve you."_

_Come away little lass come away to the water,  
>To the ones that are waiting only for you.<br>Come away little lass come away to the water,  
>Away from the light you that you always knew.<br>We are calling to you._

His last words broke me from my stupor

"How dare you! How dare you try to say what he's been going through! How dare you lie to me and tell me you know _anything_ about him! You've never cared about InuYasha and you would say anything to ruin what little happiness he has been afforded!" Sesshomaru had treated me well since the battle. He had been kind and generous but I was beyond propriety. I let the frustrations, fears, doubts, and pain of this past year bleed into my words, "He loves me! And I love him! No matter what, we are mates and-"

"Wrong, Miko. He lied to you. He could never have mated you, as he had already mated another. I had thought this was understood between you two when you accepted his suit but apparently he never saw fit to be truthful with you."

"You lie!"

"No, Miko! I do not!" His tone frightened me far more than the fact that he now had me backed against a tree. "I wished to tell you but it was not my place. You seemed…"

_Come away little light come away to the darkness,  
>In the shade of the night we'll come looking for you.<br>Come away little light come away to the darkness,  
>To the ones appointed to see it through.<br>We are coming for you. We are coming for you._

He paused and his voice caught in an almost resigned way on the next word, "Happy. I never understood. He treats you so poorly. He is always gone. How could he leave such an exquisite creature as you unguarded?" The thought truly seemed to confuse him as he lowered his nose to my neck and I tried to find purchase in the rapidly shifting moods. His languorous intake of breath tightened my whole body. "Had I such a gift, I would guard it in every moment. I would prize it, know its true value as far above rubies, or diamonds, or jade." A line of goose bumps bloomed along the track the tip of his nose carved against my jugular. "I would see that no harm ever came to it and I would _never _cause that harm myself." His breath curled like warm fingers against my neck, "When InuYasha threw you over his shoulder so roughly, so callously after you'd been injured last moon I could have easily killed him; I nearly did. A true Inu, a true _male,_" Sesshomaru punctuated the words with a graze of his fangs against my neck, "would never treat a woman he called his mate so. I wanted to erase the stain of his existence from the earth!" His hands tightened slightly on my arms and my head spun. "You had _just_ had a child inside of you. Your body was still mending and you'd broken a bone and he did not care. He could have injured you further and _he did not care_. He knows how very fragile you are! He-" The warm, wet sensations against my neck stopped.

_Come away little lamb come away to the water,  
>Give yourself so we may live anew.<em>

Slowly, Sesshomaru pulled back to look me in the eyes. I felt as though I should look away, wanted very much to be able to. His gaze was so intense, so frighteningly strong. But I couldn't. Something held me there. "He does not love you, Miko. Not like I love you." The absence of everything around me was so sudden it made me dizzy. I could no longer hear the crickets, feel the breeze, or see the stars. The only things I was aware of were Sesshomaru's breath on my lips and the echo in my mind, _"I love you….I love you…."_ I don't know how long I stared at him, my mouth open and my heart beating far faster than could be safe. However, when I finally reacted, it was to try and hold tightly to the last shred of decency and space, literal and figurative, there was between us.

"Why…why do you only call me Miko?"

"Because I have not been given leave to use your true name." I felt the earth tilt and time stop. I had always assumed it was a sign of superiority that he refused to use my actual name. I had never considered that he was simply calling me by what was deemed appropriate since I had never told him otherwise. His respect for my honor, the honor of the poor, lowly Miko who had 'mated' his hated half-brother was incredible. _Never_ had InuYasha made _any _considerations for my honor. Never had InuYasha shown me _any_ respect, let alone the vast amount Sesshomaru had shown me. Never had InuYasha truly cared for my welfare, my safety. And I realized, just as he'd said.…never had InuYasha loved me. Not like Sesshomaru. And I felt everything slip. In this moment I was no longer Kagome, or Miko, or InuYasha's 'mate'. I was simply a female being in the arms of a _very_ male being. I felt safe, I felt loved, and I felt_ so very warm_. And there was something I instinctively needed that I knew only he would be able to provide me with. The tenderness, and affection, and love I'd been fruitlessly searching for in my relationship with InuYasha was being offered to me and I could not think to refuse it.

_Come away little lamb come away to the slaughter,  
>To the ones appointed to see this through.<br>We are coming for you. We are coming for you._

The first moment his lips touched mine, fingers of electricity sped, curling around every nerve in my body. The kiss was anxious and somewhat impatient but not forceful. I knew immediately where the impatience I'd felt throughout the day had come from. Sesshomaru had planned to confront me. Logical thought again ceased when Sesshomaru's arms wrapped tightly around me and his lips moved to my jaw-line, my ear. A breathy whisper,

"You, Miko, are intelligent," he ran his tongue down my jugular, "strong," he nipped at my neck, "_beautiful,_" he pressed a warm kiss to the same spot, "and I have waited far too long to show you just how _perfect_ you are." He pulled me closer still, as if he felt he could not be close enough. His mouth returned to mine as he ran his claw tipped fingers through my hair, releasing it from its tie atop my head.

_Come away little lamb come away to the water,  
>To the arms that are waiting only for you.<em>

His strong arms lifted my thighs around his waist, placing my back firmly against the tree behind me. My hands wandered the silk covered expanse of Sesshomaru's back freely as I locked my ankles behind him, pulling him in further. I released a breathy moan I found impossible to contain when Sesshomaru returned to my neck; alternating brushes and nips of his sharp fangs with sultry brushes of his tongue and lips. I could not stop myself. Nor did it seem, could he. I'd never seen him so undone before. I could literally feel the strings of his control snapping as he tried to not so much to stop himself, but simply to slow himself. I tried, with what little space I had, to move my hips to relieve some of the immense pressure I was feeling. Immediately, Sesshomaru made a noise that made it very obvious he was in no way human. The sound sent an excited shiver down my back as Sesshomaru grasped my thighs tighter. He quickly pulled us away from the tree and moved to set me down but paused. More quickly than my human eyes could process, Sesshomaru pulled a thick mass of what looked like down filled silk from a large knapsack and placed it on the ground close to the fire. Mere moments later, a tent made of a similar silk stood over the first piece of silk, the large open front facing the fire. I looked to him and in a deep timbre he responded,

"Please know, I had no expectations about tonight, only hope. And if my hope – rather if you were to..._consent_ to anything I would not take you like an animal. I needed to be sure you could be honored thoroughly like the queen you are; _worshipped_ fully, like the goddess you are." My hands shook. The small amount of air I had received allowed me enough clarity to understand what he was saying. He had planned for this and while that thought should have made me irate, it made my heart ache with the thought that this wouldn't be just about him. With InuYasha, it was always about _him_. I had _never_ enjoyed sex with InuYasha. I simply saw it as a duty that a loving wife performed. But Sesshomaru…Sesshomaru made it sound less like a duty and more like an _experience._ He had made sure that even if we had to be away from civilization, away from prying eyes, I would be comfortable, I would be sheltered, I would _enjoy_ it. I dragged my heat filled eyes across the whole of Sesshomaru's body and then the tent. I then answered a question that hadn't been asked and didn't need to be,

"Yes," I breathed, "but, under the stars." A heated, fanged smile filled Sesshomaru's face before he moved the tent but a few yards from the silken futon. "You will welcome it's cover…_after_." He let the suggestion hang sensuously in the air. Impatiently, but with as much grace as I could muster, I sauntered over to the futon. I sat with my hip and knee against the silk, using one arm to support myself and the other to caress the space next to me. My eyes met his and I saw my hunger mirrored in his eyes, primal and heavy. He kneeled next to me and his lips met mine. My arms snaked around his neck as I tried to push him backwards. He understood what I was attempting and aided me by lying flat, allowing me to climb atop his hips. My legs straddled his.

_Come away little lamb come away to the slaughter,  
>To the one appointed to see it through.<br>We are coming for you._

I felt his desire and it fueled my boldness. I placed my hands on the iron muscles above his hips and slowly slid my hands up towards his chest. Sesshomaru made the same animalistic sound and I had to stop momentarily to catch my breath. Most likely fearing the noise had scared me, Sesshomaru wrapped his fingers around my wrists and followed the path of my arms up to my shoulders and then my neck where he began massaging tiny soothing circles into the heated skin there. I shivered and continued my path toward his shoulders; my hands lingering on his chest when I saw the look of pleasure it caused. I slipped the Hoari, whose belt had loosened with all the movement, off his shoulders and down his arms, to lay pinned and forgotten beneath him. Sesshomaru lifted his head to press a slow, loving kiss to my shoulder before I could sit up. His hands followed the same path on my body that mine had on his before he slipped my outer Kimono down my arms. The cool night air sent yet another shiver down my spine. The movement of my body tensed every muscle in Sesshomarus and I decided to try what I could not earlier when I had been pinned so securely against the tree. I balanced myself, my hands against his chest and moved my hips forward and back only once. The noise Sesshomaru released removed all thought of any torture I had been planning. I _had_ to hear that noise again, as soon as possible. I began a slow rhythm too delicious to stop. As I continued, the rhythm picked up speed and the moans became more frequent. Two clawed hands reached behind me, coaxing me further, grabbing at my hips. I was working toward a sweet something I had never felt before when the hands behind me halted my progress. I looked to Sesshomaru's almost pained face.

"Not…yet," he managed to grunt out. Realizing what he'd meant snapped me back in to reality. What we'd been doing…it imitated something very real, something I was only supposed to do with the man I promised forever to. What was I doing!? This was Sesshomaru! This was InuYasha's brother _Sesshomaru_! Sesshomaru, who couldn't ever seem to truly care about anything! My head spun and I momentarily lost my purchase against Sesshomaru's chest, my hand slipping into the front of his Juban. The tip of my finger caught against what felt like a chain. When I went to pull my hand back out, the sight of what was wrapped around my finger nearly stopped my heart;

He was wearing the necklace I'd given him.

Our breath mixed in heavy pants and my satisfied, heavy eyes fought to stay open. I saw my last glimpse of the stars above us before the ceiling of the tent obscured my view. The fire's light, now somewhat obscured, warmed the tent as it danced brokenly across the silken folds swaying in the slight breeze. Sooner than I thought possible, sleep began to win, aided by the slow massage of circles against my back and rumbles from the very sculpted chest I lay against. I decided not to fight it and let my eyes slip close. In the mere moments before the peaceful protection of sleep could claim me, I heard a strong, but almost silent, voice whisper,

"I love you."

_We are coming for you.  
>We are coming for you.<br>We are coming for you._

A/N: This is BY FAR not all the drama left in this story. The next chapter should prove to be quite interesting when Kagome wakes up next to someone she shouldn't be…..  
>I wish any form of drawing skills as seeing a physical representation of this scene—Kagome trapped against a tree, Sesshomaru's "persuading" her as she looks anywhere but him would make a nice accompaniment to this chapter (Oh well, we can't all be artists….). Please, <em>please<em> review as I would _desperately__** love **_to know how you felt about this chapter.


	12. Wicked Game

A/N: So very sorry about the hiatus. Life got in the way and I lost my spark. Couldn't properly "angst" for this story and everything I tried to write didn't fit, it felt wrong. Got my spark back by listening to one of the songs from earlier in this fic (makes me **_super_**angsty when I hear it because it has a super painful memory attached to it) and I am ready to tie things up because now I can properly angst….you know, after a few dramatic chapters ;) Enjoy!

"Hymns" for this chapter are a mix between:

Still Here by: Digital Daggers  
>then<br>Wicked Game by: Gemma Hayes  
>and<br>Poison and Wine by: The Civil Wars

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~  
>Wicked Game<p>

_ Barely visible, the waning sun threw a few last, fire red tendrils of light over the landscape. A lone tree rustled behind me on the gentle slope of the hill. No other sounds rang out in the cool autumn air. A shiver, deep and almost painful, traveled through me. I breathed in. Salt. Metal. Flowers. Mint. The hard earth beneath my knees and feet had failed to hold any of the warmth the setting sun seemed to promise. My eyes focused in front of me as a sudden sound alerted me to another presence._

_ "She always knew it would be you, ya know?" He laughed, and something deep inside me could feel how wrong it was. "I guess most of me didn't believe her. Didn't think you were capable of it. Capable of hate, capable of this." His smile, as wrong as his laugh had been, twisted his face in a way that didn't make sense for a smile to do. "But there was always that part of me that knew she was right. Guess that makes this my fault too." I wanted desperately to ask him what he was talking about but I couldn't get my lips to move. "Guess I'm to blame for a lot of things." His voice had gone soft, sad, and I became acutely aware of the fear slowly bleeding into my nerves. "And the worst part of it is I don't think you regret a second of it, I think you enjoyed it…"_

_ I looked down at my hands. My fingers, the only part of me that felt untouched by the autumn chill, dripped red. The hilt of a dagger was gripped tightly in my hand; its blue gems dug into my shaking palm. A solitary diamond was nestled at the base of the blade, partially obscured by red. It was shaped like the crescent moon. Suddenly, the ground opened up beneath me. A gruesome sucking noise drowned out my sudden screams as I reached out to grab something, anything. The tips of my fingers found tenuous purchase on the rapidly widening edge. Finally able to reach my voice, I cried out,_

_ " InuYasha! InuYasha help!" I saw the long claws on his toes at the edge of the hole before his face appeared above me. "InuYasha please…" He regarded me for a breathless moment, letting my plea hang in the air. Then, he turned his body toward the sun, and sighed._

_ "I don't make the same mistake twice. You're his problem now." A sharp pain ripped through my heart the same moment that one shot up my leg. Lifeless black eyes stared up at me. Kikyo's corpse clung to my leg. Her hands reached up, one over the other, slowly climbing up my body. I kicked out in a vain attempt to dislodge her. Her face quickly reached mine. A bloodied, gnarled hand shot forward into my chest. I could feel her cold hands squeezing my heart and knew it was over. I lost my grip moments before the earth beneath it gave way. In the instant before the last bits of life were wrenched from my body, I saw her gaunt face a breath in front of mine. Her mouth opened wider than should have been possible to allow her scream,_

_ "Kagome!"_

My eyes flew open. I clutched at my chest and it took me a moment to realize that I was still screaming. Large, warm hands grabbed my face. Concerned gold eyes stared back into mine. They weren't the bottomless black ones from moments before but they had me just as terrified. My heart beat irregularly and I gasped for air. My eyes and head spun furiously in an attempt to get my bearings, to separate nightmare from reality, to figure out where I was.

"Kagome!" His voice was breathy, _worried._ "What's wrong my love?" And like the earth tearing open again, everything came back to me.

_Heat._

'_He does not love you, __Miko__. Not like I love you...' _

_Passion._

_'You, Miko, are intelligent. Strong. Beautiful.'_

_ Surrender._

_ 'Yes.'_

My world spun. Violent shivers wracked my frame and hot tears carved a jagged path down my cheeks. I gasped, trying to breath around the knot in my throat. My breaths got deeper and faster, causing my head to spin. An elegant hand came to rest on mine. Seeing it, realizing whom it belonged to, what it meant, it was too much. My stomach lurched and I had to lean to avoid vomiting on myself. A large hand slid up my back, it's slow journey stopping at my neck to rub what was most likely meant as comforting circles against it. This only served to make the retching worse and as soon as I could I twisted out of his reach. Hurt and confusion stared back at me. I tried frantically to catch my breath. I had to calm down. I had to figure all this out. Last night, I slept with Sesshomaru. I had betrayed my husband, my mate. I cheated on InuYasha. This thought released another wave of nausea. Somewhere in my mind I knew that last night I'd come to a great realization, learned something about myself, about my relationships but at the moment I couldn't remember a single bit of it. All I could think was that I had cheated on InuYasha with his worst living enemy.

"Miko?" Miko. A stark change from the informal _Kagome_ he had spoken moments earlier. I wanted to say something, _desperately _I did but nothing came but sobs.

I couldn't say if seconds or hours passed while Sesshomaru allowed me to calm. Breathy pants and unmuffled sobs filled the air and he simply sat there. Thankfully, his hand did not return to my back. He made no more effort to try and comfort me or calm me. I imagine his pain or anger prevented him from doing so but I was too absorbed with my own pain and anger to care.

When I was finally able to speak, I intended there to be fire in my voice but I couldn't find it just yet.

"Why?" I didn't think it was possible to ever get used to seeing emotion on Sesshomaru's face and if it was, it would take much longer than the few days I'd had of seeing it. Either way, the array of emotions warring within Sesshomaru was laid bare on his face.

"It is simple. I love you. He does not." The bite and fire in his response lit my own.

"No! He _does_! He loves me, I'm his mate!"

"Miko, I told you that you were wrong on that count. Will you not listen to reason?"

"You would say anything to hurt him. I know what I did. I know who I am. I know I mated him and that I am his mate. Explain to me how I can be wrong when I was there!?"

"Miko, you may have been," Sesshomaru pushed the next word through clenched fangs like venom, "_intimate_, but you were never mated. InuYasha mated the now dead Miko Kikyo long ago. The fact that she is no longer living matters not to their bond. A mating bond is eternal and cannot be broken by death." He gave me a moment to absorb what he was saying before continuing "Do you understand?"

"Don't talk to me like a child! I know well what eternal means. I know a mating bond can't be broken! Why do you think I'm fighting so hard for mine?"

"That's just it Miko, you don't have one. You are unmated and _he_ doesn't even love you enough to correct you, that honor-less piece of filth." Sesshomaru's regal decorum was all but gone by this point and I was beyond caring about my decorum as well.

"If he doesn't love me, why would he care if I were with you? Why would he _vehemently_ accuse me of cheating after he discovered the gift you'd given me if he didn't care for me?" Sesshomaru seemed momentarily shocked by this revelation but recovered quickly.

"The same reason an ungrateful child fights for a toy it has not touched in months when another child desires it." The pain that followed was enough to knock the breath from me. Delicacy in wording was never something Sesshomaru spent much time on. He valued truth, even if it was painful. And while I know my pain was not Sesshomaru's goal when he answered, it was painful nonetheless if only because I knew there _was_ truth to it. Sesshomaru seemed to sense how his answer was received. "I am sorry. I should not have phrased it as such. However, that does not change my view. I believe there are two answers to your question. First, he is unhappy. And owing to the fact that he is selfish, he cannot stand the thought of anyone, least of all the two of us, being happy when he is not. And second, while you remind him of her death, you also remind him of _her_." I knew exactly which _her_ he was referring to and I felt the familiar sting play through my heart as I hadn't in months "Seeing you, seeing _her,_ with me would be the ultimate pain."

"Then why would you do that to him?! He has suffered so much! Why can you not let him be? Why can you not, for once, let him have something?" Sesshomaru stepped forward and cupped my cheek,

"Because I cannot stand and watch while he single handedly destroys you, no matter how much you think I may owe him. This is not about me. This is about you. This has only _ever_ been about you." I stood motionless. What could I say? Everything Sesshomaru said made sense but _none_ of it made sense. InuYasha loved me. We built a home together. Conceived a child together. How could he not? Sesshomarus next words shook me from my stupor, "I feared this might happen. When you relented as suddenly as you did-"

"Excuse me?! If your trying to persuade me of _anything_ you definitely shouldn't insinuate I'm an easily swayed _or_ easy-"

"I meant nothing untoward by it, Miko. I only meant…it seemed that something finally changed in you last night but it happened so quickly that…" He seemed to be searching for exactly what to say. "Though the earth quakes and moves forward after having so much force and pressure applied to it for a great many years, it stops shortly after the pressure has been released until there is enough force to make it move again, and that pause can last centuries. What I meant was that I feared last night may have be a release of pressure for you. I-you never spoke anything against InuYasha or for me…" It was almost difficult to see the self-assured 'Killing Perfection' so vulnerable, so unsure. "However, it is important to consider, that when the earth finally moves again, it destroys years of growth. Everything that has been repaired, built up, and grown since the last movement is consumed in an instant."

"I don't understand. None of it makes any sense," I barely breathed the words but Sesshomaru's demon hearing made up for it.

"What do you not understand? Anything you ask me, I will make it clear."

"Nothing. None of this makes any sense!" I was dissolving into hysterics again as I tried to form one of the many questions I had. The first one that slipped through my lips was not the type of question I meant to voice, "Why me?" The uncertainty that Sesshomaru had experienced moments before vanished and I could feel the confidence in his words.

"Since the first moment I was aware of your existence you were an enigma to me. I did not enjoy it. That is, at first. Which is why I attempted to kill you when we first met. There is only one other choice in my life I regret as deeply as the one I made that day. Even though I did not succeed, the idea that I could have haunts me. The more encounters I had with you, the more the enigma became pleasant and even thrilling at times. I found that the only thing more pleasurable than finding another aspect of your person or personality that I did not understand was discovering the reason or meaning behind it. I felt alive like I never had before. This was why I eventually allied my pack with yours. Although, I see no shame in admitting that I also desired to join the packs because I knew my strength and power would make me alpha, your alpha." His eyes flashed red for a brief moment "I grew to know the answers to many of your mysteries but it only made me desire your company more. You are intelligent and honest. Strong and fair." I had to stop this. Sesshomaru was starting to sound like a man _truly_ in love and I couldn't believe it to be true. I had to find fault in his reasoning so he would tell me what this was really all about.

"But I'm human!" Sesshomaru smirked.

"I have not had a problem with that for a very long time."

"Then why do you hate your Hanyou brother so much?"

"I hate what his birth represents. My father, though strong in battle was weak in many other ways. I value faithfulness to ones mate very highly."

"Then why did you help me betray mine!?" The memory of what I had done came forcefully back and my words had me reeling again. I had to find the hole in his story, I had to make him stop! With more force Sesshomaru replied,

"You are neither mated to InuYasha nor is he a suitable mate. I despise what my father did not because his mistress was human but because my mother loved him as a mate should and did everything he asked. She would have died for him but he did not value that as he should and that callous indifference created my brother. InuYasha's existence represents weakness to me even without all the pain he has caused you." He looked pensive for a brief moment before continuing, "I meant to save you from that pain. After the battle I meant to make you mine. It seemed, however, that every time I tried to make it so, my situation only darkened. You were almost lost in the battle," he paused briefly, almost as if this thought pained him, "when you woke from the battle, you asked for InuYasha and I could not handle that particular pain when I had been worried over your life for five days, so I left. I thought when I returned I would see a better outcome but when I did return you announced that you were _mated_," Sesshomaru lips formed a sneer around the word, "and I while I knew you couldn't truly be his mate, the idea that you'd lain with him, promised him a lifetime was painful beyond what I can admit. And then, a few visits later I discovered that you carried his…" he didn't seem able to say the word, "well, I feared that should I return one more time, the only thing worse than what I had discovered in my previous visits would happen." I knew immediately what he was referring to. "And it almost did come to pass. However, this time it was my presence that prevented tragedy rather than inviting it." Although I was still angry and confused, I had to ask the question I'd been holding on to since that fateful night,

"The night I…lost the baby, how did you get there so fast? Why were you even there?"

"Although I had what might be named superstitions about my proximity to you, I came every new moon after discovering you were with child, even if I did not make my presence known. I could not…face you but I wanted to make certain-rather I _needed_ to know you were healthy and safe. It was how I knew something was wrong the day InuYasha left." A silent tear slipped down my cheek. The wounds losing my child caused were still raw. Possibly in an attempt to distract me from this new wave of pain, Sesshomaru continued on, "Every gift I gave you was meant as a courting gift, despite you being what I believe is called 'married', I had hopes. However, as much as I wanted to stoke the fires of jealousy in InuYasha, I knew it was not safe for you. So, I did not scent mark any of the gifts as I would have had they been true courting gifts. This went against every instinct I have but if it meant keeping you safe-" again, I interrupted.

"The Hafrin root?" My thoughts were muddled and I couldn't seem to voice exactly what I wanted to ask. Sesshomaru understood nonetheless.

"When we traveled together before the battle, I am afraid some of the locations you chose for bathing were far enough for the hanyou not to hear but still too close for me to be unable to hear your conversation." My ears burned from embarrassment as I remembered a few particularly inappropriate conversations Sango and I had had regarding all the adult male members of the group. Sesshomaru seemed to have sensed my embarrassment as he continued, "No, Miko, I am not referring to _those_ conversations," some of his arrogance and self-assuredness had seeped back into his tone which replaced my embarrassment with indignation, "Owing to those conversations, I know you see me as "a pillar of control" but I am not. That night, I intended to go nowhere near your hut. I meant to leave the seeds at the elder Miko Kaede's hut. However, after the display that day I had to know you were safe. Instinct demanded that I go to you. So I did just that, only intending to assess your state of wellbeing through your window. But I saw what that wretch had done to you," Sesshomaru's eyes flashed and his fists curled and shook with his frame, "I could not leave you untended to. However, my rational mind did not supply that I should hide my scent while doing so until after I had nearly finished. It was far too late by then so I knew I had to do something or risk your safety. If InuYasha had noticed my scent in your bed, especially with the type of scent it was, I do not like to think what he may have done. So, I went to gather the root. I am afraid the elder Miko Kaede saw me doing so; another moment in which I was too distracted for sense. I have overheard her bating Rin with questions on more than one occasion and it was obvious to me that she believed there to be something intimate between us. And, as much as I willed it to be true, I did not want someone whom you respected to see you in such a light. So, for that I am sorry." What he was saying was too much. It seemed to me a well-rehearsed speech, an attempt to get me to fall for him so he could hurt InuYasha one last time. But despite all that it all sounded so wonderful to me, a fact that I was thoroughly ashamed of. I must have been considering his words for longer than I realized. Sesshomaru released a heavy breath and it caught my attention.

"It seems time is the only thing that can convince you. All these explanations must seem sudden to you. And I know promising you wealth, jewels, and station would mean nothing to you. It is part of the reason you intrigue me so. I know there is so much more I can offer you that _he_ cannot but I know the only thing that could ever matter in this situation is the one thing I cannot make you see he has not, nor will he ever be able to give you."

"You're not making any sense! Why did you do this? What do you want?!" Sesshomaru's face hardened into a mask of determination as he answered,

"Leave InuYasha. Become my mate, like I have desired since we joined our packs."

"What? No! I-I can't!" Instantly Sesshomaru was centimeters from me and just as instantly I felt incredibly small, mortal, and intensely _warm_. Sesshomaru leaned down and put his mouth close enough to my ear that when he spoke his bottom lip caressed my earlobe.

"I think you'll find, _Miko_, that you can." A shiver ran unbidden through my body. My intention was to be furious with his suggestion that I leave my mate and the insinuation that it would be easy but it seemed I was trapped in a spell. "I will return in one moon cycle to give you time to consider my offer. Should you decide to accept my suit, meet me at the well on the western edge of your village before the sun sets and the new moon rises." At the mention of the new moon, the spell holding me broke.

"I will not leave him!" I cried out in the same instant that he disappeared from the clearing. Something felt heavy and cold in my hand. I looked down and spotted a small silk pouch similar in style to the others that Sesshomaru had placed gifts in but it was not vibrantly colored like the others. This pouch was black and had no ornate designs on it. Possibly because I didn't want to face reality just yet, I opened the pouch to see what was inside even though I could already smell it. Hafrin root. He must have considered that I may reject him and he still wanted to save me from admitting what I'd done. Without a second of reprieve, all my confusion, pain, shame, and hate came flooding back. My legs collapsed from under me and I fell. Sobs once again wracked my frame as I thought about what sins had been committed here and how I hated Sesshomaru for starting them and myself for finishing them.

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